I go back to work in about four weeks or so. That begs the question: how the hell is this going to work? The house is already chaotic. I'm already tired.

But, Lord, do I need to go back. Being with a baby all day long day in and day out is so not my cup of tea. I feel bad even writing that, as C sits in her wiggle chair a few feet away, cooing to herself and kicking. But it's so true.

I would like to propose a ban on growth spurts.

That is all.

The Big 30

I turn the big 3-0 on Sunday. The number itself doesn't bother me. What does bother me is not having a huge chunk of my people near to celebrate with me.

That realization is part of the reason why I allowed the headhunter who called the other day to shortlist me at a parish outside of B-Town. I think if I got it it may be like the proverbial dog catching the chased car, but I'll deal with that later if I have to.

In any case, there's something nice about being remembered, if nothing else.

advice?

so... plane travel with wee ones. do you pack the car seat base and check the car seat? is this how this works? for some reason, i'm can't quite get my brain wrapped around it. we have several trips coming up.

week in review:

• feedings = at least 56 (kyrie eleison)
• mad men episodes watched = 9 (it's good)
  
• ounces of breast milk pumped = 6
• hours not with cc = 2 (haircut and target trip to buy makeup brushes and nursing pads)
• nieces born = 1
  
• holy week/easter services attended = 0

today is my first day alone with the baby, sans the mr. and sans grandmothers (cue the scary music). she's currently sleeping in the aptly named sleepy wrap, which is a friggin' godsend. i love being able to hold her and yet have my hands, too, for important things like blogging. i really don't have much of interest to say, other than the fact that i find it ironic that i'm not supposed to be doing housework and yet this is the one time i want my house to be clean, since i'm spending so much time here. that, and we got mad men discs from netflix, largely thanks to sarah, and it is, in fact, really good. between that and a couple of walks, i'm beginning to feel a little bit more human and less like a sleep deprived monster.

• Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding.
• The child CC is born as of March 19. I've written up the birth story-- it's not going to win a Pulitzer, believe me, I was just trying to get some of it on paper--let me know if you want to read it and haven't yet.
• CC is doing well. She has gained 1.3 lbs and 1.5 inches since being born less than two weeks ago. She's about in the 50th percentile for weight and is slightly tall for her age (?!). The Mr and I figure this is about right, since I was in the 1th percentile and he was in the 95th.
• I'm both incredibly grateful for the help I'm getting from mine and the Mr's mother-- cooking and baby watching in particular-- and ready to have my house back.
• Did I mention breastfeeding?
  

The Kiddo's Room: Kid Not Included

So above are the requisite nursery pics. We managed to get second-hand, convert, or be given as a gift everything except for the wood for the bookcase, which the Mr. built. That makes my thrifty heart happy.

A parishioner painted the trees on the wall. She spent an embarrassingly long time doing them (as in, I was ashamed to take so much of her time).

Now we just need the baby.

Giving Things Up

I have no discernible Lenten discipline. I have joked that I will be giving up church for part of Lent. I've also not so jokingly said that having the kiddo is more than enough of a project for anyone. Despite my lack of initiative, I think a Lenten discipline has been thrust upon me: giving stuff up.

Warning: whining ahead.

• The Louisville Pastoral People invited me to a cool sounding leadership conference that met last weekend (Karaoke Rev was able to go in my place, so that was good). People that pregnant can't fly.
  
• My uncle died yesterday. The funeral will be were he lived, about six or so hours away, which is, again, too far when one is this pregnant. We weren't close at all, but I do wish I could be there for my dad. This was his younger brother.
• The MDG team of the diocese where I serve is going to the Dominican Republic at the end of April to start to establish a companion relationship. The trip was originally in October, which I could have gone on. It was moved before I was public with the pregnancy. That was fun.
• I was just invited to be a panelist at my div school alumni about younger clergy and leadership in late April.

And that's that. Granted, I could not have done all these things even if I would have been not pregnant; I do have to do some stuff on occasion with my parish, after all. Still. I'm feeling cranky.

I'm beginning not to wonder why younger women "fall behind" in ministry, since in the space of two months alone, I've had to miss out on some significant networking opportunities.

Due Dates and Other Such Nonsense

I am due today.
I am not dilated or effaced.
I don't need to time any contractions.
I don't need to call the doctor or the doula.

I know it's just an estimate, blahblahblah, but come on. Come ON.

And, btw, if anyone needs a list of how to naturally induce labor, I could compile a master one from a bunch of helpful, well-meaning people that I'm thisclose to strangling:

*eat oysters
*go for a long walk
*go for a ride on a bumpy road (this one is very popular)
*eat spicy foods (how does this work when you've done it throughout the pregnancy? it doesn't.)
*unpack the hospital bag
*start a project (example given: painting the bathroom)
*jump up and down (either with a jump rope or on a trampoline)
*schedule something you're really looking forward to (this is a murphy's law type one)

Is it just me, or is there something about some of these that seem vaguely reminiscent of unsuccessful home remedies for NOT getting pregnant in the first place?

For the record, neither caster oil nor sex has been suggested. Maybe people don't want to say "caster oil" or "sex" to their priest.

Incidentally, if saying, "You're still here?"or "The baby hasn't come yet?" could send one into labor, I would have had the baby a million times over.

Did Y'all See This?

I've started reading Sensual Orthodoxy, as I think I might be kicked off a board I'm on if I don't read it soon. When I started snooping around on the internet about the preacher, I found this:

It made me laugh and sigh. Thoughts/reactions?

Image from House of Mercy

deep thoughts, by pregnant woman

dear james william/claire covington,

don't you want to come out now? 'cause i want you to come out. so does your dad. i know you're supposed to be in there just a little longer, but i'm ready to hold you (on the outside). and i'm not going to lie to you: the fact that i'm bored and a little uncomfortable are playing into this as well.

love,
mom

So what do you do when Malibu Barbie Dream Job comes open, you're about to have a new baby, you know selling your house would be really hard, MBDJ is only 75% time and you're carrying the family's health insurance right now, and your husband's job is pretty secure and well-paying?

Pregnancy Comments: Vote for Your Least Favorite!

So, which of these three is the most annoying?

• "You haven't had the baby yet?!" and/or "You haven't popped yet?" Um, no, I haven't. That much is obvious. Plus, I just hit the two weeks before ETA yesterday. To have had it before then would have been a statistical anomaly (95% of women birth between 38 and 42 weeks). But when I do, I imagine that the verb "popping" will not come all that much into play.
• "You're going to go late." Why would anyone say that? They don't know. Granted, I don't either. But to say it when there's no way of knowing is just mean.
• "You're so big/fat/huge!" Well, one day I will have the baby and won't be fat anymore. But you'll still be rude and insensitive.

I'm also not a fan of "How are you feeling?" but think that the question is most of the time very well-intentioned, unlike some of the above statements.

Favorite comment, even if it's a lie: some variation of "You look great!" or "You're doing great!"

Ash Wednesday

Kid: Why are we doing this? (this = getting the ash crosses on the head)
Grown-up: So we can remember that we will die and that Jesus loves us.
Kid: We should just watch a movie. People would remember it better.

random thoughts of pregnancy and such

i dreamt i was going to have the baby today (feb 20) a few weeks ago. that same night, i also dreamed that the baby was a water bottle. i couldn't tell if the baby/water bottle was hot or cold (water bottles' emotions are hard to read), but i decided it was hot, so i put it in a water fountain in paris to cool it off. all of that is a way of saying that i'm wary of the predictive properties of my dreams. good thing, as it's now 9 p.m., and no baby.

overall, i'm uncomfortable, though apparently not nearly as uncomfortable as many people are at this point, from the comments i'm getting.

i try hard not to stay attached to the due date, b/c it means basically nothing as a date in and of itself. i've figured out why it's hard not to become attached to it-- everyone asks you every 2.4 seconds when you're due when you're this pregnant. every time i say "march 11," i feel a little "march 11" groove being made in my brain, setting me up for disappointment if i'm late and making me feel like i somewhat panicy about the baby coming somewhat early.

i'm ready to be a giant contradiction on ash wednesday. i wonder if anyone will consider the irony of a very pregnant woman smearing ashes on his/her forehead. well, i'll get a kick out of it, if nothing else.

and that's that.

I woke up this morning with a start, realizing that if someone asked me to diaper a child then and there, I couldn't do it, at least not well. This is what I get for being the youngest of the youngest. I need to dig back out some books. I suppose I'll be getting a lot of practice soon enough. And I'm guessing very few children have ever died from improper diapering.

I'm in the midst of shower land. My dad's wife threw me a shower in their hometown last Saturday, and the church's is this Saturday. I'm not wild about sitting around opening present after present after present, but man, particularly after having to buy an engine for the car, we need help.

People keep joking about the baby being early. This is not yet funny, any child I would bear right now would go straight to NICU and not come out for weeks.

In other not funny news, a parishioner told me I was getting a double chin. I said, "I can't believe you'd say that to me." He's lucky I didn't call him a jerk... or worse.

I have a friend officiating at her father's funeral today. To make things extra less complicated, she's actually never officiating at a funeral before, and it's not in her tradition either.

I don't think I'm going to be doing the book thing this year. I reached my goal last year--hoorah! I am on good reads, and will probably be keeping that up for anyone who cares.