the post about how i feel

in response to ppb's kind comment, asking me how i feel...

• health-wise, i feel better. i think the crud is more or less gone, after almost four days of laying around. still don't know if it was a virus or bacterial and probably never will know. i'm still slightly coughy and sniffly, but i can walk about now, and that's an accomplishment.
  
• i feel like if we have to do another funeral, my head will explode. two funerals in one week, particularly if that week happens to be during advent, is enough.
  
• i feel like the pulpit is getting an awful lot of me lately. advent 3, funeral homily, christmas eve, christmas day, sunday after christmas.
  
• i feel mediocre about my christmas eve sermon draft, and i don't want to preach it. don't worry, katherine, i won't steal yours.
  
• i feel like if my little insomnia spat doesn't end soon... well, something. i don't know.
• i feel pissed off. a couple of months ago, a youth lector changed the pronouns referring to the divine from 'he' to 'she' in the pulpit (after checking with the head lector about five minutes before the service, which to me was inadequate advance notice). she was up again last sunday, and the head lector asked her not to switch the pronouns because "some old women disguised as men" had complained. she no longer wants to read, which i can respect. i received an email from her mother saying she no longer wants to be on the lector list, either, and talking about how the episcopal church is a big tent, but now she's not so sure. this whole situation pisses me off for numerous reasons:
• don't assume, mother, that just because you personally didn't hear me defend your daughter that that means she wasn't defended. i talked with people about the divine feminine after that; i simply didn't pick up the phone to let you know about it every time i did so.
  
• i don't like that it seems that the complainers 'won' and the lector is being censured.
• i'm also not sure that i'm entirely comfortable with her switching the pronouns in a scriptural reading. other places? prayers of the people? fine. but the lector's job is to read the text as given.
  
• 'big tent' doesn't mean that everyone gets what they want publicly all the time. that'd be impossible. the bigger the tent, the more likely we'll have clashes of opinions.
  
• i would have preferred a note from the daughter rather than the mother. also, i think standing in solidarity by yourself is stupid (like people who boycott without being part of an organized boycott... ).
  
• i feel frustrated that you chose to send this email on this week. thanks.
  
• i'm not saying i'm right about any of this; this is just how i feel.
• i feel a little anxious about my mom and sister visiting. this is cleaning and entertaining anxiety, mostly, along with a little family dynamic anxiety. fortunately, the mr. is a huge help. that, and i've secured us several invitations to eat with some fairly low-stress people while they're here, too, to mix it up a little bit.
  

more than you bargained for, more than you need to know, but there it is.