I am due today.
I am not dilated or effaced.
I don't need to time any contractions.
I don't need to call the doctor or the doula.
I know it's just an estimate, blahblahblah, but come on. Come ON.
And, btw, if anyone needs a list of how to naturally induce labor, I could compile a master one from a bunch of helpful, well-meaning people that I'm thisclose to strangling:
*eat oysters
*go for a long walk
*go for a ride on a bumpy road (this one is very popular)
*eat spicy foods (how does this work when you've done it throughout the pregnancy? it doesn't.)
*unpack the hospital bag
*start a project (example given: painting the bathroom)
*jump up and down (either with a jump rope or on a trampoline)
*schedule something you're really looking forward to (this is a murphy's law type one)
Is it just me, or is there something about some of these that seem vaguely reminiscent of unsuccessful home remedies for NOT getting pregnant in the first place?
For the record, neither caster oil nor sex has been suggested. Maybe people don't want to say "caster oil" or "sex" to their priest.
Incidentally, if saying, "You're still here?"or "The baby hasn't come yet?" could send one into labor, I would have had the baby a million times over.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I'm just guessing here, but the jumping up and down one sounds excruciating.
Sending good vibes your way...
I started charging people a dollar every time they made one of those "you're still here?" comments.
I'm gonna tell you something you don't want to hear, assuming you haven't already heard it, and that is that first-time moms give birth, on average, 8 days past their due date. (According to my doula)
I tell you this in the hopes that you can be more successful than I was in resetting expectations...! Think next Thursday, with the strong possibility of being surprised in the meantime...
I am sure you are SO READY though. Hang in there.
I have SO MUCH SYMPATHY for you.
I did the caster oil, but it worked a little too well. None of the...um, "side effects" were terrible, but I ended up having to have a drug injected to slow down my speedy gonzales contractions. I don't know if the caster oil did it, but I wouldn't be surprised.
My recommendation is sex.
Since nobody else would recommend it, may I be the first to tell the priest to go home and behave like a high schooler in heat. It may not bring on labor, but at least you'd have fun trying.
Post a Comment