• One would think that living in the Carolinas is living in the Carolinas, that there aren't significant regional variations within this small region. I often find myself thinking the same thing. Then I see things like this, which feels much more like home to me than being below the fall line with the sandy soil and the flat land. Sigh.
• Some of you may not have had the opportunity to fill out this survey about what it's appropriate for clergy to wear.
  
• I heart Google Apps Calendar. Registered nonprofits, such as churches, can apply for the beefed up version (aka the educational version) for free.
  
• I got a water bottle that doesn't leak the stuff into the water. I can't help but wonder how this one is going to kill me.
  

Book #20: Into the Wild. Jon Kr@kauer. Swoon. Major, major swoon. Singular complaint: I read his other two books in audiobook form, and he read the other two himself. This one was some other guy.

Book #21: Pillars of the Earth. Someone please tell me why this book is such a big deal.

The Mr and I just bought some midnight blue raised panel shutters "to update the exterior of our home" (I looked for a picture to post, but they're all a little off). They're midnight blue, so we're painting all the outside doors to match.

Other than that, I've been... well, working (and reading, apparently). We've had some turnover in staff, and I was made the priest in charge of administration about a month ago to help with the transition, etc. etc. I can't figure out if I'm incredibly inefficient or if there is just a whole lot of work to be done.

Okay, so I'm pretty boring right now. How are you?

• you know how sometimes you really want to go to bed but can't manage to peel yourself off the couch in order to do it? i'm totally there right now.
• the mr's parents were here this past weekend. it was like his mom took all of her annoying habits and cranked them up, just for fun.
• i'm pretty sure the above two bullet points are related.
  

Book #12: I recently finished Jim Wallis' The Great Awakening: Reviving Faith and Politics in a Post-Religious Right America. I kept having stirrings that reminded me of what Carol wrote about her emerging church conference experience in that I just think it's weird that some people are just figuring about that Christianity and social justice have something to do with each other (I'm not talking about Jim Wallis himself. I think he's the real deal). I also wonder what's supposed to be so different about this generation's idealism compared with others; will it not go away as they/we grow older?

***
I have bangs now. I haven't had bangs for about fifteen years. Back then, I had mall bangs... you know what I mean. I'm adjusting.

Much more important things that that are going on, but my brain is checking out.

book #11: reading challenge 2008

These short little biography Penguin classics are total cheating, but I don't care, because they've been pretty good. I read George Balachine's last year and recently finished Charles Dickens'. Now that was a productive man. In addition to his novels, he did all these public readings of his work, including the murder since in Oliver Twist. He also guarded his private life towards the end so virulently that it's still not clear whether or not he had a mistress and whether or not he had a child with her. One of the most famous men of his time was somehow able to keep secrets. Hmm.

Speaking of being productive (not being secretive), I tried really hard today to be so. I cleaned the bathroom; I vacuumed; I washed every single thing (coveree thing, sheets, blankets, and quilt) on our bed; I washed the towels; I washed the darks; I installed a brand new expandable silverware tray; I took our taxes by the accountant's office: I recycled some magazines and put a few aside to leave at the gym. I cooked fagoli soup and made brownies. I also went to the gym and did the elliptical and took a yoga class. I guess I'm writing this because I still feel like... like, wait, what did I do all day? I'm the type of person who has to write out what she does after she does in order to cross it off so I'll feel like I did something. I guess I just did it publicly today.

The Mr., who just moved back here last week from training in nearby-but-still 1.5 hrs away- place, is still not home yet from work (it's 9 p.m. on Friday). Since I cooked supper (see above), I feel indigent.

the post about tupperware

at first i was completely discouraged by you, you who cleaned out closets while on maternity leave. me, i'm not sporting even one kid, let alone three, and my closets are awful. my only defense is that the mr is something of a packrat, and i've yet to bypass him and throw stuff out without his knowledge. somehow, the clouds parted, and i woke up saturday morning totally inspired. the stars in my crown would be the organization of the massive amount of tupperware that used to make me crazy, facilitated by some stuff from linens n things. we put away sheets and towels from the linen closet into senselessly empty trunks. i rearranged the kitchen cabinets so we could get to the stuff we use. i even enticed the mr. to give away some clothes that i've never seen him wear. hoorah! that, and i actually felt like we had a social life briefly. we had a couple over friday night and went out saturday night. maybe there's hope for a clergy person to make friends? maybe?

okay, i'll stop teasing. i know this picture is what you really came to see. ta-dah! they're rather bright (particularly against my really, really white legs), so i've been wearing them with gray, black, khaki, and blue (aka what i normally wear). they're so wonderfully comfortable. they're rather casual, which doesn't bother me, but might bum others out. i'm wearing them to officiate at compline tonight. mwhaha... dark night services...!!

ash wednesday? what?!

i bought plane tickets to go to paris for a week in late april! YES!!

in other news, being awake at 7 a.m. is perfectly fine. officiating and preaching at a 7 a.m. service is not fine, as was evidenced by the massive amount of stumbling over words.

the post about how i feel

in response to ppb's kind comment, asking me how i feel...

• health-wise, i feel better. i think the crud is more or less gone, after almost four days of laying around. still don't know if it was a virus or bacterial and probably never will know. i'm still slightly coughy and sniffly, but i can walk about now, and that's an accomplishment.
  
• i feel like if we have to do another funeral, my head will explode. two funerals in one week, particularly if that week happens to be during advent, is enough.
  
• i feel like the pulpit is getting an awful lot of me lately. advent 3, funeral homily, christmas eve, christmas day, sunday after christmas.
  
• i feel mediocre about my christmas eve sermon draft, and i don't want to preach it. don't worry, katherine, i won't steal yours.
  
• i feel like if my little insomnia spat doesn't end soon... well, something. i don't know.
• i feel pissed off. a couple of months ago, a youth lector changed the pronouns referring to the divine from 'he' to 'she' in the pulpit (after checking with the head lector about five minutes before the service, which to me was inadequate advance notice). she was up again last sunday, and the head lector asked her not to switch the pronouns because "some old women disguised as men" had complained. she no longer wants to read, which i can respect. i received an email from her mother saying she no longer wants to be on the lector list, either, and talking about how the episcopal church is a big tent, but now she's not so sure. this whole situation pisses me off for numerous reasons:
• don't assume, mother, that just because you personally didn't hear me defend your daughter that that means she wasn't defended. i talked with people about the divine feminine after that; i simply didn't pick up the phone to let you know about it every time i did so.
  
• i don't like that it seems that the complainers 'won' and the lector is being censured.
• i'm also not sure that i'm entirely comfortable with her switching the pronouns in a scriptural reading. other places? prayers of the people? fine. but the lector's job is to read the text as given.
  
• 'big tent' doesn't mean that everyone gets what they want publicly all the time. that'd be impossible. the bigger the tent, the more likely we'll have clashes of opinions.
  
• i would have preferred a note from the daughter rather than the mother. also, i think standing in solidarity by yourself is stupid (like people who boycott without being part of an organized boycott... ).
  
• i feel frustrated that you chose to send this email on this week. thanks.
  
• i'm not saying i'm right about any of this; this is just how i feel.
• i feel a little anxious about my mom and sister visiting. this is cleaning and entertaining anxiety, mostly, along with a little family dynamic anxiety. fortunately, the mr. is a huge help. that, and i've secured us several invitations to eat with some fairly low-stress people while they're here, too, to mix it up a little bit.
  

more than you bargained for, more than you need to know, but there it is.

another post

this weekend:

• got eyebrows waxed after seeing them and their hairiness in pics from campus ministry xmas party
  
• pedicure (ahhh...)
  
• visited parishioner in prison
  
• friday night potluck with presbyterians
  
• i seem to attract presbyterians. i'm not complaining. i'm just sayin'.
  
• massive cleaning-out of paper in the mr.'s crap room (yes, that really is what we call it). i went through and filed a bunch of stuff and then went through our file cabinet (and all these papers he had thrown all over the place) to the tune of one GIANT trash bag's worth. he nearly had a heart attack when he saw me in there cleaning, but i have to live here, too, and that room makes me nuts. and i was extremely generous in what i did not throw out. so there. we're going to use the paper for kindling.
  
• unfortunately, it was in the high 60s yesterday, which makes fires pretty much a non-option right now.
• i like cleaning out. not cleaning up, but giving things away or throwing them away. i find it cleansing.
  
• i married a packrat.
  
• the nutcracker. it was pretty good, all things considered.
  
• another advent wreath lighting fiasco. i am almost to the point where i want to refuse to be involved with lighting the damn thing at the main service.
• led bible study on the gospel text for this week. preaching this coming sunday. for the first time in my life, i feel sorry for john the baptizer. before, he's always just made me squirmy. you can still be called by god and be really, really, really (really) off about what that means.
  
• the mr. is doing some major structural stuff underneath the house. i can't even describe it, b/c i don't understand it.
• present-wrapping
• primed bookshelf for painting
  
• laundry
• made lentil-spinach soup. it called for three cups of water. i substituted two cups chicken broth, 1 cup white wine. it cooked down nicely, though i was nervous right after i put in the wine.
  
• weird tickly throat... had to go to sleep sucking on cough drop... wasn't i just sick?
• cat in love with (fake) christmas tree... won't stop sitting under it.
  
• yesterday: one year as a priest
• today: need to be very productive/focus at work. in the meantime, if anyone talks to me at the gym this morning, i will hurt him. i'm not feeling talkative.
  
• i'm perfectly aware that this blog has gotten fairly boring fairly quickly, which is somewhat disappointing, but i seem to be unable to muster the wherewithal to change that.
  

the post about passports

the other day, when i saw the package from the us government, i spent several seconds trying to figure out what i had done wrong. then i remembered: passport renewal. have you seen the new ones? they're rather high-tech, or at least they seem so when you compare it to the one i was issued in '98, with my picture just pasted in it, not digitally scanned.

and, on an equally important note, if anyone can figure out how to make their legs shave themselves, please tell me.

the post about guilt (extended disco version)

i love it when i live in to stereotypes, don't you? i go on vacation; i get sick. i have some type of bronchitis. meh. oh, well. what can you do?

the real question is: why do i feel slightly guilty for lounging though i'm sick and on vacation? i've seen people: dad, maternal extended family-- cousins, aunts, uncle, grandmother, oh my!--, best friend, best friend's girlfriend, lots of mom time. i wrote a sermon; i wrote newsletter articles. got the car aligned-- headed off potential flat b/c guy at tire place found nail in tire. somehow i still feel unproductive. i'm not supposed to be productive!! i'm on vacation! i'm sick! what's wrong with me?! wait; don't answer that.

most of the guilt is due to my old room at my mom's stares at me accusingly:

still
full
full
full
of
my things
my things
my things

• middle school jewelry from claire's strewn on the desk
• clothes, including the prom dress, the wedding dress, my favorite dress from high school
• books, books, books, everywhere, and nothing to read
• any and all things ballet-related, trinkets on the dresser, posters on the walls, tutus in the closet, everywhere
• dolls, including two american girls(ppb-- direct me to your post)
• drawings from art class
• reply cards from the wedding
• and i moved a lot of things out last october, into my home with the mr., but it's not enough.

is it ever enough?
am i ever done?

i'm fairly process-oriented, generally okay with not doing something concrete and tangible with, well, with my life, but every once in a while, it grates on me.

HEY! every once in a while? go. away. now. (please.)

the post about this weekend

this weekend:

• senior voice recital of one of the college students (can't go to all of the recitals, but i go to at least one-- senior is kinda the last chance)
• painted porch swing (one coat primer, two coats exterior white)
• preaching galore: about how questions shape the answers we receive and death (freddie the leaf story for family and children's service)
  
• first fire in the fireplace
• church hosted social gathering for ppl who are the same ethnicity as the refugee family the church is sponsoring. one of the other refugee families was in a car accident on the way home-- car went off the road, the driver overcorrected into oncoming traffic on two lane highway. mother- dead. baby- dead. aunt- dead. father and 3 yr old in critical condition. to come so far to die here.
  

the post about giving blood

i gave blood today.

the first time i gave blood was about eight years ago, as part of a college blood drive in which ms. rev's school was pitted against its most hated sports rival. the woman who found my vein (i use the word 'found' rather loosely here) did an awful job. i could feel the needle the entire time. i was sweating profusely (not glowing, or perspiring, or whatever. sweating). i almost fainted afterwards. it was one of the most awful things i'd ever done voluntarily (voluntarily). i quickly became one of the 95% of people eligible to give blood who yet does not. plus, hated sports rival got more blood than we did; my blood-letting was all for naught.

fast forward to now. several kids in the parish have cancer (yes, more than one). one of them hosted a blood drive at a local bank probably about 8 months ago. i wouldn't go so far as to say i liked it. i mean, really. let's not kid ourselves here. it's just that giving blood wasn't the horror show i remembered it being. other than the fact that the people are always disturbed that i've been to kenya (in june 2005), and other than the fact that, in this day and age, they have to verify EACH TIME that the area is "okay" (i'm actually not convinced that i was not in a malaria zone; i also think that the malaria would have shown up by now), it's not so bad. today i got a great apron. i tried to post a pic, but it was HUGE. the apron says, "i love pumpkin pie," except it says, "I (heart) (picture of pumpkin) (pi math symbol).

the moment i saw it, i was happy that such an apron was now in my possession because...

• the mr.'s grandmother gave relentlessly to the disaster relief section of the american red cross (carried a pager and everything). he'll love that the apron is from the red cross.
• the mr. loves my pumpkin pie (yes, i bake. sort of).
  
• the mr. loves math. he bought a calculus book FOR FUN the other day. ... yeah.
• the mr. loves to cook. cooks need aprons. it's a scientifically proved fact.
  

normally i would try and wait and give it to him, but i couldn't. i put it on right as i walked in the door last night.

i wrote the kid a card: "thanks for helping me get over myself. go socks!"

the miscellaneous post

i'm feeling a little annoyed:

parishioner: are you letting your hair grow out?

me: i'm not really sure what i'm doing.(<--not just applicable to my hair, but that's okay. parishioner doesn't need to know that.)

parishioner: well, growing it out is more girly. it looks like a boy's with it short.

grr. commenting on my hair? not appropriate. unless, of course, you want to tell me how great it looks. in other news:

• went to bed and breakfast with the mr., where we did b & b type things. weird to wake up and not be able to leap out of bed (okay, stumble groggily out of bed) and immediately began chores... delicious.
  
• movie watching ruled the weekend: carlito's way, hannah and her sisters, farewell my concubine
• i'm fairly certain i left my prayerbook outside on the ground after the 10:30 service. i'm going to try to beat the rain to it. good thing i have to go back for a requiem evensong anyhow.
• the mr. and i raked the backyard for about 1.5 hours this afternoon. we'll probably have to do it again before the fall is out. this was the preemptive raking of the pine needles.
  
• the mr. is making etoufee (no, spellcheck, NOT the same thing as Stouffer's) as i write. long live cajun food.
  

the post about getting older (or not)

this past week or so, i suddenly noticed faint but definite defiant wrinkles making their way across my forehead. my skin has the nerve to be both wrinkly AND zitty? that's just so mean! i thus have became one of those late twenty somethings who uses nightcream:



i feel like this should be totally beneath me, like i should know better. but i don't. clearly. it's mostly pure vanity. to be fair to me, i'm pretty sure it's not totally beneath the church as an institution. think about it.

the thing that irritates me is that it is not as if i have the wisdom that comes with age. no, in some ways, i'm still a kid. i was an extremely picky eater as a child. my mother literally could not get me to eat. poor thing had to stuff my mouth because i lost weight during some of my well baby checks. my mom discovered the wonder condiment: ketchup. i began to eat. to further complicate matters, i later had a butterfly retainer cemented in my mouth when i was something like three years old. i didn't have an underbite; i didn't have an overbite; i had a sideways bite from sucking my left pointer finger. so for a few months all i ate was campbell's tomato soup, instant grits, and applesauce.

i would no longer describe myself as picky. i have a few random food aversions. i don't like the texture of coconut, and i don't like most olives. other than that, i eat pretty widely, like a good little hipster. i adore sushi, indian food, and thai food. i'll try most anything once, with my crowning glory being stir fried bumblebees (tastes like popcorn). i'm all grown-up.

as a general rule, i recommend luna bars, particularly the nutz (sic) over chocolate and blueberry morning sunrise flavors, despite their silly names. i discovered them when i was vegan and missed the taste of chocolate. besides, they keep forever in my desk at work.

however, i have to amend my previous blanket luna endorsement because the following flavor is indescribably bad:



i literally cannot eat luna's lemonzest bars. i tried. on two different occasions. i spit the offending bar out both times, wrinkling my forehead in consternation over the nastiness that this is.

the post about hair, fish, and books

• when i came in yesterday, the mr.'s grandmother's fish, who i adopted after she died a few months ago, was dead (gone to join his original owner, i suppose). a dead fish is quite dramatic. it was lying on its side on the bottom of the bowl w/ its little eyes shut. i felt horrible.
  
• my hair is out of control. one would think my hair is too short to be out of control. not so. my haircutter cut my hair with a razor about two weeks ago. it is now wild. i tend to just stick a headband in it and declare victory, acting as if i meant for it to look so... mad scientist-esque, like those people who spend half an hour making their head look as if they just got out of bed. but the truth is, i've lost all control over my wee bit of hair, which is (let's call it what it is) pathetic.
  
• i broke down and ordered those three books: albert einstein biography, margaret atwood short stories, and blue like jazz are on their way. i'm ecstatic.
  

the post about acne

remember when you were a teenager and you thought that when you were all grown-up, your skin would finally (finally) be free of those hateful zits?

remember when you got some monstrosities of zits as an almost thirty year old that rival those you had in your teenage years, maybe even those you see weekly in youth group?

the post about steamers

the mr. is a fantastic cook, and he loves to do it to boot. but, left to his own devices in place where he's training, he will do eat poorly: junior bacon cheeseburgers, an entire bag of tater tots for dinner, BK broiler stacks... i think you probably get the gist. this leads to ulcers on his part. and as much as he loves to cook (no, really), he likes to do things like reroof the shed more when he's actually here (he's like a domestic god, which works, since i'm a domestic idiot).

in other words, i'm doing more of the cooking lately. now, i'm not a bad cook. i can follow a recipe. i can be inventive but not in a scary "good lord, what is that?" sort of way. but i have definite brain farts, like, "which one is a skillet again?" i also forget to put ingredients in (i write it off as part of my charm). i'm just insecure, particularly in the greatness of the mr.'s skills, and, like everyone else in the free world, a little time strapped on occasion. anyhow.

what i'm trying to say is this: i've discovered these (kind of in the same way christopher columbus discovered america, as in, my 'discovery' is pretty much a misnomer), and i'm digging them thus far:



you just throw the bag in the microwave for like 5 minutes, and voila! yummy veggies. there are a few other varieties, including garlic cauliflower, and there also is a family-sized pack.

that is all.

the post about which no one will care

might we have a brief discussion about how tired i am?

i am. so tired.

poo on wanting to maintain some semblance of propriety by not having couches in my office.

poo on work.

poo on big huge homecoming sundays that sap the energy of leetle closet introvert me.

poo on preaching this coming sunday at three services, one of which must be a children's sermon, which are so much harder than "regular" sermons and leading the creatively named high school group and officiating at evensong.

sigh. and blah. and no one wants to hear this.

the first post

i'm guessing that i'm supposed to start off with some sort of introductory "who am i" type of post, but, i'd rather not. so here goes.

it's official: i'm tired of being in transition.

i moved to a new town to a new job in a new state about a year ago. to further complicate matters, i, in some people's eyes, acquired a new ontological status by being ordained. whether you (or i) agree with the whole ontological change at ordination thing (i'm not completely convinced), the fact of the matter is, people somehow put me in a different category. when people find out i'm a priest, there tends to be a person-shaped hole in the wall as they run screaming in terror. well, first, they stand there in confusion, their cognitive dissonance practically palpable as they assess the painted toenails, the shoes (flip-flops or high heels), the jewelry, and, of course, the princess parts. even if they decide to stick around and talk, i'm more of a novel curiosity than an actual human being. that's a hell of a reality to get used to, on top of the whole normal life transition stuff. so, transition? not my favorite.

even so, against all odds, and my propensity to be melodramatic, things have gotten somewhat better. there are some people here i feel like i might be able to call my friends now, and i've got a couple of people i'm grooming to be friends. i've forced some young clergymen to be my friends, whether they like it or not (that was kinda fun).

but here's the catch (why is there always a catch?): today, monday, august 27th, the husband started a new job... for which he has to receive training for six to nine months in a metropolitan area about 1.5 hours away from where we live.

blah.

yeah, thankful for good, interesting job in a region where jobs are not exactly plentiful, yes, i'll see him on the weekends, maybe even some during the week. it's more that i was finally feeling a little settled, like maybe the husband and i had gotten some sort of rhythm down that finally worked for us. but so much for that.

then i got to thinking. will i ever not be in transition? i'll probably be ready for a new job in a few years: transition. we might have children at some point: hello, serious unchangeable transition. if life is just one transition after another, then why do i keep expecting it to settle down? should i just be grateful when things do feel like they're falling into place and just call them what they are: a grace-filled abnormality?

so if i'm tired of being in transition, maybe that's just my too bad, because i'm pretty sure i've been mislabeling "transition;" i should have just been calling it "life."