ms. reverend... or not

2009-05-14T08:45:00.003-04:00

I go back to work in about four weeks or so. That begs the question: how the hell is this going to work? The house is already chaotic. I'm already tired.

But, Lord, do I need to go back. Being with a baby all day long day in and day out is so not my cup of tea. I feel bad even writing that, as C sits in her wiggle chair a few feet away, cooing to herself and kicking. But it's so true.

2009-04-27T09:02:00.002-04:00

I would like to propose a ban on growth spurts.

That is all.

The Big 30

2009-04-21T20:38:00.003-04:00

I turn the big 3-0 on Sunday. The number itself doesn't bother me. What does bother me is not having a huge chunk of my people near to celebrate with me.

That realization is part of the reason why I allowed the headhunter who called the other day to shortlist me at a parish outside of B-Town. I think if I got it it may be like the proverbial dog catching the chased car, but I'll deal with that later if I have to.

In any case, there's something nice about being remembered, if nothing else.

advice?

2009-04-20T14:15:00.002-04:00

so... plane travel with wee ones. do you pack the car seat base and check the car seat? is this how this works? for some reason, i'm can't quite get my brain wrapped around it. we have several trips coming up.

2009-04-12T12:24:00.006-04:00

week in review:

feedings = at least 56 (kyrie eleison)
mad men episodes watched = 9 (it's good)
ounces of breast milk pumped = 6
hours not with cc = 2 (haircut and target trip to buy makeup brushes and nursing pads)
nieces born = 1
holy week/easter services attended = 0

2009-04-06T08:47:00.003-04:00

today is my first day alone with the baby, sans the mr. and sans grandmothers (cue the scary music). she's currently sleeping in the aptly named sleepy wrap, which is a friggin' godsend. i love being able to hold her and yet have my hands, too, for important things like blogging. i really don't have much of interest to say, other than the fact that i find it ironic that i'm not supposed to be doing housework and yet this is the one time i want my house to be clean, since i'm spending so much time here. that, and we got mad men discs from netflix, largely thanks to sarah, and it is, in fact, really good. between that and a couple of walks, i'm beginning to feel a little bit more human and less like a sleep deprived monster.

2009-04-01T16:49:00.003-04:00

Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding.
The child CC is born as of March 19. I've written up the birth story-- it's not going to win a Pulitzer, believe me, I was just trying to get some of it on paper--let me know if you want to read it and haven't yet.
CC is doing well. She has gained 1.3 lbs and 1.5 inches since being born less than two weeks ago. She's about in the 50th percentile for weight and is slightly tall for her age (?!). The Mr and I figure this is about right, since I was in the 1th percentile and he was in the 95th.
I'm both incredibly grateful for the help I'm getting from mine and the Mr's mother-- cooking and baby watching in particular-- and ready to have my house back.
Did I mention breastfeeding?

The Kiddo's Room: Kid Not Included

2009-03-16T08:01:00.004-04:00

So above are the requisite nursery pics. We managed to get second-hand, convert, or be given as a gift everything except for the wood for the bookcase, which the Mr. built. That makes my thrifty heart happy.

A parishioner painted the trees on the wall. She spent an embarrassingly long time doing them (as in, I was ashamed to take so much of her time).

Now we just need the baby.

Giving Things Up

2009-03-12T14:31:00.003-04:00

I have no discernible Lenten discipline. I have joked that I will be giving up church for part of Lent. I've also not so jokingly said that having the kiddo is more than enough of a project for anyone. Despite my lack of initiative, I think a Lenten discipline has been thrust upon me: giving stuff up.

Warning: whining ahead.

The Louisville Pastoral People invited me to a cool sounding leadership conference that met last weekend (Karaoke Rev was able to go in my place, so that was good). People that pregnant can't fly.
My uncle died yesterday. The funeral will be were he lived, about six or so hours away, which is, again, too far when one is this pregnant. We weren't close at all, but I do wish I could be there for my dad. This was his younger brother.
The MDG team of the diocese where I serve is going to the Dominican Republic at the end of April to start to establish a companion relationship. The trip was originally in October, which I could have gone on. It was moved before I was public with the pregnancy. That was fun.
I was just invited to be a panelist at my div school alumni about younger clergy and leadership in late April.

And that's that. Granted, I could not have done all these things even if I would have been not pregnant; I do have to do some stuff on occasion with my parish, after all. Still. I'm feeling cranky.

I'm beginning not to wonder why younger women "fall behind" in ministry, since in the space of two months alone, I've had to miss out on some significant networking opportunities.

Due Dates and Other Such Nonsense

2009-03-11T07:50:00.004-04:00

I am due today.
I am not dilated or effaced.
I don't need to time any contractions.
I don't need to call the doctor or the doula.

I know it's just an estimate, blahblahblah, but come on. Come ON.

And, btw, if anyone needs a list of how to naturally induce labor, I could compile a master one from a bunch of helpful, well-meaning people that I'm thisclose to strangling:

*eat oysters
*go for a long walk
*go for a ride on a bumpy road (this one is very popular)
*eat spicy foods (how does this work when you've done it throughout the pregnancy? it doesn't.)
*unpack the hospital bag
*start a project (example given: painting the bathroom)
*jump up and down (either with a jump rope or on a trampoline)
*schedule something you're really looking forward to (this is a murphy's law type one)

Is it just me, or is there something about some of these that seem vaguely reminiscent of unsuccessful home remedies for NOT getting pregnant in the first place?

For the record, neither caster oil nor sex has been suggested. Maybe people don't want to say "caster oil" or "sex" to their priest.

Incidentally, if saying, "You're still here?"or "The baby hasn't come yet?" could send one into labor, I would have had the baby a million times over.

Did Y'all See This?

2009-03-09T09:25:00.004-04:00

I've started reading Sensual Orthodoxy, as I think I might be kicked off a board I'm on if I don't read it soon. When I started snooping around on the internet about the preacher, I found this:

It made me laugh and sigh. Thoughts/reactions?

Image from House of Mercy

deep thoughts, by pregnant woman

2009-03-04T12:34:00.003-05:00

dear james william/claire covington,

don't you want to come out now? 'cause i want you to come out. so does your dad. i know you're supposed to be in there just a little longer, but i'm ready to hold you (on the outside). and i'm not going to lie to you: the fact that i'm bored and a little uncomfortable are playing into this as well.

love,
mom

2009-03-03T07:54:00.002-05:00

So what do you do when Malibu Barbie Dream Job comes open, you're about to have a new baby, you know selling your house would be really hard, MBDJ is only 75% time and you're carrying the family's health insurance right now, and your husband's job is pretty secure and well-paying?

Pregnancy Comments: Vote for Your Least Favorite!

2009-02-26T08:57:00.003-05:00

So, which of these three is the most annoying?

"You haven't had the baby yet?!" and/or "You haven't popped yet?" Um, no, I haven't. That much is obvious. Plus, I just hit the two weeks before ETA yesterday. To have had it before then would have been a statistical anomaly (95% of women birth between 38 and 42 weeks). But when I do, I imagine that the verb "popping" will not come all that much into play.
"You're going to go late." Why would anyone say that? They don't know. Granted, I don't either. But to say it when there's no way of knowing is just mean.
"You're so big/fat/huge!" Well, one day I will have the baby and won't be fat anymore. But you'll still be rude and insensitive.

I'm also not a fan of "How are you feeling?" but think that the question is most of the time very well-intentioned, unlike some of the above statements.

Favorite comment, even if it's a lie: some variation of "You look great!" or "You're doing great!"

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T18:32:00.001-05:00

Kid: Why are we doing this? (this = getting the ash crosses on the head)
Grown-up: So we can remember that we will die and that Jesus loves us.
Kid: We should just watch a movie. People would remember it better.

random thoughts of pregnancy and such

2009-02-20T07:55:00.005-05:00

i dreamt i was going to have the baby today (feb 20) a few weeks ago. that same night, i also dreamed that the baby was a water bottle. i couldn't tell if the baby/water bottle was hot or cold (water bottles' emotions are hard to read), but i decided it was hot, so i put it in a water fountain in paris to cool it off. all of that is a way of saying that i'm wary of the predictive properties of my dreams. good thing, as it's now 9 p.m., and no baby.

overall, i'm uncomfortable, though apparently not nearly as uncomfortable as many people are at this point, from the comments i'm getting.

i try hard not to stay attached to the due date, b/c it means basically nothing as a date in and of itself. i've figured out why it's hard not to become attached to it-- everyone asks you every 2.4 seconds when you're due when you're this pregnant. every time i say "march 11," i feel a little "march 11" groove being made in my brain, setting me up for disappointment if i'm late and making me feel like i somewhat panicy about the baby coming somewhat early.

i'm ready to be a giant contradiction on ash wednesday. i wonder if anyone will consider the irony of a very pregnant woman smearing ashes on his/her forehead. well, i'll get a kick out of it, if nothing else.

and that's that.

2009-01-08T08:37:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning with a start, realizing that if someone asked me to diaper a child then and there, I couldn't do it, at least not well. This is what I get for being the youngest of the youngest. I need to dig back out some books. I suppose I'll be getting a lot of practice soon enough. And I'm guessing very few children have ever died from improper diapering.

I'm in the midst of shower land. My dad's wife threw me a shower in their hometown last Saturday, and the church's is this Saturday. I'm not wild about sitting around opening present after present after present, but man, particularly after having to buy an engine for the car, we need help.

People keep joking about the baby being early. This is not yet funny, any child I would bear right now would go straight to NICU and not come out for weeks.

In other not funny news, a parishioner told me I was getting a double chin. I said, "I can't believe you'd say that to me." He's lucky I didn't call him a jerk... or worse.

I have a friend officiating at her father's funeral today. To make things extra less complicated, she's actually never officiating at a funeral before, and it's not in her tradition either.

I don't think I'm going to be doing the book thing this year. I reached my goal last year--hoorah! I am on good reads, and will probably be keeping that up for anyone who cares.

2008-12-18T07:22:00.008-05:00

Bring a dish/appetizer/dessert to share.

In normal time, I don't really mind this request. However, I find it really annoying this time of year, simply because I just can't keep up. I've skipped a few things simply because I don't have the energy to come up with anything to bring, let alone make it. There are or will be seven events in 2.5 weeks that fall into this category. Two thoughts about the two that are left:

Ghiradelli (I can't spell) brownie mix
Various wonderings about if it's possible to somehow use the Annual Christmas Deluge of Parishioner Foodstuffs in this capacity without too many ramifications.

Pictured is the Mr's Sour Cream Pound Cake... Yum!
***
Book #51: The First Christmas, Borg and Crossman. It's pretty good. I read it and realized how little I know about Roman history and mythology (or, rather, how much they know). Also helpful for Advent 4/Annuniciation sermons, First Sunday after Christmas sermons (chapter on archetype on light and darkness), and Second Sunday after Christmas sermons (massacre and/or magi).

I have a draft of The Christmas Eve sermon. It's a little wordy, but now I have something to revise, which is infinitely easier than pulling something out of my brain in the first place.

Book #52: The Audacity of Hope, Obama. He definitely wrote this; he writes just how he talks. I enjoyed reading it. It was sitting in my in-laws' living room over Thanksgiving, and I was pretty sure they weren't actually reading it but just had it out for show. I borrowed it, in partial passive aggressive retailiation for this incident. My suspicisons have been confirmed; they would be asking about it if they missed it.

Book #53: The Wonder Years. AAP's thoughts of different facets of childhood development.

I'm now reading Birthing from Within.
***
I feel better, mainly due to readjusted expectations. I'm now wearing this wildly attractive item, whose usefulness outweighs its annoyingness, much to my dismay. Don't be jealous. The way this model is... modeling this reminds me of the guy in my high school ballet class who accidentally wore his dance belt (think ballet jock strap) over instead of under his tights.

2008-12-08T10:38:00.002-05:00

I've started feeling faint, short of breath, and generally exhausted. I called the OB this morning, and apparently the blood work they did on me last week was all normal, which I suppose means there's nothing wrong with me other than the fact that I'm pregnant. Crap. I was really hoping they could just give me some iron pills or something.

2008-12-04T07:43:00.003-05:00

I have lots to do today. I can't seem to remember what I have to do, except for my 10:30 and 12 noon appointments-- the only two I managed to write down.

***
The Mr's Dad: "The Mr can't borrow that book (on the father's role in childhood development) yet, because I want to read it."
me: "Are you kidding?"
MD: "No."
me: "So you're going to read a book in the next month or two hat you've had for the past thirty years but still haven't read for a job you've already done."
MD: "Yeah."
me: "Right."

It was probably written at the earliest in the 70s anyhow and thus is ridiculously dated. But still.

***
Book #50: Taking Care of Your Baby and Young Child, Ages 0-5, AAP. It's hard to judge things that I don't know much about yet. Guess I'm about to get a crash course in about 14 weeks or so, give or take a few.

2008-11-17T19:14:00.002-05:00

Books

#48: Oryx and Crake, Margaret Atwood. I normally find Atwood's work a little strange in a good way. In this novel, the weird factor is off the charts.
#49: Time Traveler's Wife. It's a romance, just not the bodice-ripping kind. Good, fast read.

2008-11-12T07:46:00.003-05:00

Bullets:

Did I mention living in a swing state is surprisingly gratifying? Feeling like your vote counts is really weird. My county went blue for the president for the first time since... since I don't know when. I've felt the need to be somewhat mum about my political leanings, being in a relatively small city (not tiny, but this is not a metro area, either).
Things at work are still completely insane but may be looking up. Somewhat.
I'm 23 weeks pregnant (full term is 40-ish or so). I wore maternity pants for the first time yesterday. I've been doing the whole bella band thing, but suddenly, everything just felt way too tight all over the place (and was really dirty and wrinkly to boot).
We've been doing lots of cleaning up and out. Jeff is refinishing some stuff, building bookcases, and such. I cleaned out a desk this past weekend. I did a lot of our Christmas shopping for our families online. I love shopping online.

Reading Challenge:

Book #43: FDR, Jean Edward Smith. You know I like biographies. FDR was a complicated man and his political record is much more uneven than I knew. Also, I didn't know there are only two photos that they've been able to find of him in his wheelchair.
Book #44: Baby Bargains: I read it in day and am now terrified that I'm going to kill the baby with a faulty crib or something. It made me add and take a whole bunch of stuff off of my registry, though, so that's a good thing.
Book #45: Paris to the Moon: This had been recommended to me by several people. It was written in the late 90s, though, and some chapters feel quite dated.
Book #46: Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith. Good. I felt like I needed to read it after I recommended it (flippantly, not thinking he would do anything like actually buy the book) to my therapist and he loved it. I could have written part of it. How'd he get there first?
Book #47: The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. This is normally referred to La Leche League's baby. It gave me a taste of a- how difficult breastfeeding can be at first b- some of the crap that I'll have to get used to for going back to work.

2008-10-22T09:30:00.002-04:00

Remember when you were a kid and didn't want to go to school? I feel that way about work today. I don't wanna go. It's more than likely because I let the parish administrator go yesterday and don't feel like hearing about it. Apparently, accepting mediocrity/incompetence from other employees is what some people want.

In the meantime, I have a preliminary appointment with a pediatrician this morning. Whoo.

2008-10-06T05:25:00.003-04:00

In more southern news, the Mr. and I went to the county fair last week. He grew up going to them. I couldn't go because of ballet during the week and because my mom refused to go on the weekends because she didn't want to see her students.

Of note at this fair:

If you ever want to win a prize for something you've made, enter something to your county fair. A vast majority of the crafts I saw had a prize, with one major exception being this extremely sad little store bought hand towel whose only claim to craftiness was that someone stitched a rather small red Christmas stocking onto it.
Surprisingly entertaining--> duck racing. How's that for a mental image?

***
It's possible that I'm up since 3 a.m. because we have the ultrasound at 8:45 a.m., and I'm nervous/excited/hungry. In other pregnant news, I apparently have a first trimester symptom-- food tasting really weird. Work now knows. They seem to be excited. I don't know that I can handle all the excitement.

***
Book #41: Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. Written from the perspective of a 15yo boy with autism. It's pretty good.
Book #42: Moby Dick. I listened to this book for hours on end (as in, more than 24 hours total) in the car. I didn't like it. I think it may not lend itself to the audiobook format. Alternatively, I just didn't like it.

GIT

2008-09-30T07:42:00.002-04:00

I discovered (for myself if no one else) the likely situation in which the southern word "git" originated.

When I got home last night, there was a possum hanging out in our carport. "GIT!" I yelled instinctively. The possum hurried away in terror, probably more from my car's headlights than my uncharacteristic southern outburst.

Should I submit it to the OED for word derivation?

PS "Git" in the south is a verb that means "get along"/"get out of here."

2008-09-26T15:53:00.006-04:00

I finally did one of those things I've been saying I'm going to be do for awhile now: I actually read one of the books I heard about NPR (don't be jealous of my life). Of course, the library here often doesn't have some of the books they recommend, so I'm often SOL.

Book #39: City of Thieves, David Benioff. Two strangers during the WWII siege of St. Petersburg are sent on a mission to find... a dozen eggs. It's easy-to-read and thoughtful, not arrogant. I definitely recommend it.

Book #40: Love is a Mix Tape, Rob Sheffield. This book took me back to mix tapes my friends made for me in high school and college. Interestingly, it also has some of the most straightforward discussions of grief that I've read in awhile.

i think i may be in love....

2008-09-24T08:31:00.004-04:00

aren't they are lustworthy? don't they make you tear up just a bit? i'm currently living in fear that my feet will get bigger and never return to their original size, so i hesitate to get them.

2008-09-22T16:05:00.002-04:00

I haven't written a sermon since August (I wrote two September sermons at the preaching conference; I preached the last one yesterday). Now I'm preaching every Sunday save one in October. I'm trying to even imagine ramping back up for it, and I barely can do even that, let alone write. Maybe Mondays is a bad day to try to contemplate ramping back up anything. Maybe it's time to call it a day.

2008-09-15T11:28:00.003-04:00

Dear Lord,

Why do I work with people? I find them so incredibly frustrating a vast majority of the time.

The self-righteousness
The pettiness
The patronizing
The gossiping
The laziness

I've dealt with all five and more in the past 2.5 hours.

I hope someone surprises me out of my funk by doing something so not able to be described by any of the above this week.

2008-09-12T10:21:00.005-04:00

Do you know what's really expensive? Paper. We go through scads of it at work, what with bulletins, announcements, newsletters, etc etc etc. I had to order some yesterday because the parish administrator is gone. The order was something like $500, and most of that was regular old paper. I'd say maybe $60 was the colorful, fun stuff.
So, I, of course, think I'm being all coy with this not being publicly pregnant yet gig. And some woman I don't know comes up to me at the gym and says, "You're working out through your pregnancy? That's great." I laughed really loudly because it made me nervous (note: not all my loud laughs are because I'm nervous, but this one definitely was).
I'm disturbed by our country and the elections. When I heard Palin was the VP candidate for McCain, I thought, "No one's going to fall for that!" I'm beginning to wonder if I gave America too much credit.
I went to the dentist on Wednesday. We couldn't make my next six month appointment six months out because it would have been a day before my due date. I stared at the hygenist in horror and disbelief.

***
Book Update:

I was hoping to reach fifty books for the year. I think I'll just barely do it. What's that, about three a month (for the months I have left, I mean)? Work has basically exploded. A significant number of people seem to have lost their mind/cool/health/live all at the same time. We've done four funerals in the past three weeks, and the list of people in critical pastoral care situations is abnormally high for us. Plus the rector is gone next week on continuing education. I've kept my schedule relatively clear next week, knowing that there will be more than enough to do even if all remains somewhat calm.

Book #33: The Art of Eating, MFK Fischer. Collection of food writings for early twentieth century important food writer. I loved her recollections of what different meals had meant in her own life in the section "The Gastronomical Me."
Book #34: Prodigal Summer, Kingsolver. Read it in two days. The story's set in the Appalachians, and the characters are well written.
Book #35: Garden Spell, Sarah Addison Allen. New author from NC. Again, fiction set in western NC. It was about the relationships of some people around my age, so it was interesting. Not this most thought provoking read in the world, but I enjoyed reading it.
Lots of pregnancy related stuff: #36: What to Expect When You're Expecting (no), #37: The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy (eh-- some of it liked, some of it was garbage), #38: The Mayo Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy (good).

Cleaning Out

2008-09-06T13:37:00.005-04:00

My mom sent boxes of both my childhood and my college years with my in-laws last weekend. She didn't tell me she was going to, which didn't please me. Fortunately, I'm getting the want to clean out symptom. I'm predisposed anyhow, but I'm also now living in fear of the loads of stuff that new people (particularly small ones that seem to require lots of equipment) inevitably bring into any household. Plus I live with an unrepentant pack rat who I have been able to convince that at least the stuff you don't really use needs to be packed away, not taking up valuable real estate space, and I prefer to stay consistent when I can.

Anyhow, I'd guess I'm getting rid of at least three-fourths of what she sent. But then there are those things that are question marks:

Should I bother to send the perfect attendance dance trophy and Westminster Presbyterian Midget Girls II basketball participation trophy to Goodwill, or do I save them the trouble and immediately throw them away?
What do I do with nicely mounted awards from high school? Can I throw those away? What about the framed governor's school diplomas (summer programs)? What do I do with those?
Will I really ever look at that comparative economics systems/stats/money & banking textbook again (realizing that I gave about half of them away)?
My granny picked up painting pottery in her 70s (which is pretty cool). She got on this Santa Claus kick for about twelve years. Every family member (and, mind you, I'm one of ... a dozen grandchildren and half a dozen great grandchildren) has gobs of it. I picked out my four or five favorites (White and Gold Santa, Toy Holding/Flouncy Skirt Santa, Noah's Ark Santa, Kitten Santa, and Quilting Santa) to keep and bring out at Christmas time, which seems like more than enough Santa Claus for any reasonable person, with a bit of a buffer if two or three break. I packed up the rest to give away. If the church ladies can figure out how to get my name off the bottom of them, I'll bet they'll sell beautifully at the Christmas Bazaar. I don't feel that bad about giving them away, which kind of makes me wonder about myself. I know my grandmother would absolutely flip her lid if she knew. I plan on never telling her.

Hurricane Hanna was pretty much a big tease for us. It got really windy, but we hardly got any rain at all.

2008-09-02T05:43:00.003-04:00

I did not like the movie Tropics of Thunder, not b/c it's not-PC, just b/c I didn't think it was as funny as it could have been.
The Mr and I caved and got iPhones. Our contracts were up with Veriz0n. He adores his. I am not yet fully convinced. I think it's because I'm not quite sure yet how to use the darn thing.
NC farmer market discovery: collard green tamales. The outside is a collard green instead of a corn husk. The inside is normal-- corn meal and meat (pork or chicken). They're awesome. Coupled with sour cream and habenero sauce... a very tasty treat for $1.50.
I dropped the communion kit today in my office. I love it when I spill wine all over the place.

In case you don't want to read pregnant lady stuff, I ghettoized it:

The in-laws were in town this weekend, and it was basically what I feared-- a bevy of unsolicited advice. Have I told you about me and unsolicited advice? I don't do well with it. That is one of the reasons I'm trying to hide the pregnancy from most people at work as long as possible. That, and, though I would like for people here to be excited, I also just want to do my job.
I called the sister in the Land Far, Far Away yesterday. Guess what. She's pregnant with her first child and is due about ten days after I am. My parents still don't know yet.
It's beginning to look like "as long as possible" means about three more weeks or so. All these "I didn't show until my fifth month" people... when you haven't gained all that much weight anywhere except your lower abdomen, that looks suspicious, if you're a woman my age. Vestments are a beautiful thing for hiding in, though.

2008-08-26T15:40:00.002-04:00

I'm twelve weeks pregnant.
We've told our parents (as of yesterday).
I've told some friends (as of a month ago).
I still haven't told the church.
I'm due right smack dab in the middle of Lent.

Letters I'd Like to Write Right Now

2008-08-15T02:05:00.005-04:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'd like to thank you for your surprisingly similar reactions to the past few month's weight gain. Eying me and saying, "Are you still working out?" is subtle, real subtle.

P.S. Bite me.

***
Dear NBC,

Gymnastics should not be on so late. I don't care if it's live.

***
Dear Constipation,

Go away. Take your friend Insomnia with you.

***
(***WARNING: Staggering unoriginality ahead):
Dear John Edw@rds,

The best you can say is, my wife was in remission? Really?
***
Dear YCWs,

Y'all are awesome. Miss you already. For your viewing pleasure, I saw these shoes while shopping in DC with Alex, prastflickan, Jenny, and Susan. They're beautiful:

2008-07-31T07:14:00.003-04:00

I was in the UK for about two weeks with the choir. We did evensongs at St. George's, Windsor, Christ Church, Oxford, and Canterbury Cathedral, along with some necessary touristy stuff. I'll say this:
1) I have a whole new appreciation for the choir and how hard they work.
2) I will not be going on an organized tour of anything for a very long time if I can help it, particularly not with an intergenerational crowd. Some people actually want to sit on a bus for hours and would rather see from a bus than walk. Maybe I'll understand one day, but at this point it's unfathomable to me. I would rather spend a small amount of time in one place walking around rather than see a whole lot.

I'm about to leave again for a preaching conference and for "vacation" with my dad and parts of his family. I'm nervous about the latter, as it'll be my stepmother and all her various and sundry offspring (two adult children and some of their kids). It's very weird for me to see my father relate to a child as his grandchild that I feel no connection to whatsoever.

Book update:
Book #25 Inhuman Bondage. A book on the history of slavery. Excellent. Singular complaint: I listened to this book while driving. The reader said "hueman" New-Jersey style, a pronunciation that makes me crazy for no good, but some very real, reason.
Book #26 Those Preaching Women! 4th ed. Pretty good sermon collection, as far as sermon collections go.
Book#27 Ladies of Liberty, Cokie Roberts. About influential women during early presidencies, not including Martha Washington. Pretty good. Grammatical errors in book, which annoy me. Do your job, editor.
Book #28 : Predictably Irrational. I really liked this book, probably because I majored in economics and always wondered if assuming people behave rationally is the best assumption to make.
Book #29 : Suite Francaise. Thought it was really good. I feel like all I hear is French Resistance this, French Resistance that, when, clearly, most people just rolled over.
Book #30: Yellow: Race in America Beyond Black and White. Wu is a lawyer, through and through, and writes as if he is one. I enjoyed the book but don't know that I was looking for as much depth as he gave.
Book #31 : A Briefer History of Time, Stephen Hawkings. A parishioner gave this to me after I preached on Einstein's theory of general relativity. It's good, though still hard to understand, even though it's supposed to be easier to understand.
Book #32 : Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Rosenthal. eh.

Side Note: On this England trip, I discovered my mother basically no longer reads. This disturbed me to my very core.

Other side note: The thought of fiction has left a bad taste in my mouth as of late(besides Suite Francaise). I think I've had some traumatic experiences...? .

Books

2008-07-04T10:31:00.002-04:00

Per Erica and Pastor Peters...

The Big Read is an NEA program designed to encourage community reading initiatives. They’ve come up with this list of the top 100 books, using criteria they don’t explain, and they estimate that the average adult has only read 6 of these. So, we are encouraged to:

1) Look at the list and bold those we have read.
2) Italicize those we intend to read.
3) Underline the books we LOVE (I’ve used an asterisk)
4) Reprint this list in our own blogs

Here goes…What about you?

(note: I haven't been able to confirm that this list is indeed from the organization that it says that it is, but I suppose I'll play along anyhow).

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen*
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien*
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte*

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling*
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee*
6 The Bible*
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte*
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman*
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott*
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot*
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll*
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis*
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis*
37 The Kite Runner- Khaled Hosseini*
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (started it. didn't like it)
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery*
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood*
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement- Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez*
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett*
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White*
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (I absolutely refuse to read this book, and its presence makes me question the entire list. I started one of his other saccharine "books," and I despised it.)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (if the complete works is on here, why is this one?)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl*
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

***

Sursum Corda

2008-06-26T08:06:00.003-04:00

Alex tagged me...

Ten things I am grateful for:

1) the mr
2) good colleagues at work
3) the cat
4) our home
5) laughter
6) words (great books, good poetry, good sermons, Scripture)
7) running water (which i don't have right now)
8) the gym
9) modern technology making it somewhat easier to keep in touch with friends and family
10) the women of tycwp

I tag Sarah, pastor peters, and erica, with no worries whatsoever if you're not in the mood.

2008-06-18T13:43:00.005-04:00

I eat Lean Cuisine's "spa classics," which claim to have two servings of veggies (because, hey, a girl needs all the help she can get) at least twice a week. In other words, I am no stranger to the processed foodstuffs (shout out to my sister doing the local food thang). This did not prevent me from microwaving today's entree in the box (pause for applause).

This past weekend, I officiated at a wedding of two of the mr's freshmen dormmates. I made the prayerbook language more God-orientated and less Trinity-ish at their request. I'm still pondering how I feel about that.

Book #24: Andrew Jackson: His Life and Times. Two thumbs up, if you like biographies. I find myself increasingly unenthralled with the visual bookshelf on f@ceb00k. It recommends based on what I read, not on what I've said that I've liked that I've read. Grrr. Is goodre@ds actually, well, you know, good (or at least better than visual bookshelf)?

2008-06-11T12:29:00.006-04:00

there's an update on ridiculously stale work blog
can i just say that i both want to lose at least some of the weight that i've gained and yet that i'm tired of being at war with my own body and thus with myself.
my naval piercing is gone. the skin holding it in had worn really thin, and when i was trying to clean it really well, it gave. i think my body was rejecting it as the foreign object it is (took it a while, but whatever). it was so gross. my belly button feels very neked and looks lonely.

2008-06-06T07:45:00.004-04:00

One would think that living in the Carolinas is living in the Carolinas, that there aren't significant regional variations within this small region. I often find myself thinking the same thing. Then I see things like this, which feels much more like home to me than being below the fall line with the sandy soil and the flat land. Sigh.
Some of you may not have had the opportunity to fill out this survey about what it's appropriate for clergy to wear.
I heart Google Apps Calendar. Registered nonprofits, such as churches, can apply for the beefed up version (aka the educational version) for free.
I got a water bottle that doesn't leak the stuff into the water. I can't help but wonder how this one is going to kill me.

2008-05-27T07:57:00.004-04:00

I thought I was exaggerating when I jokingly told someone that I couldn't remember the last time I had both Friday and Saturday off while being in town (France aside). Sadly, I wasn't. That'll change for the summer, fortunately. However, I'm beginning to wonder how long I can keep it up. I need to learn to work smarter, I guess. Or something.

And what did we do with all the time?

A whole lot of home improvement.

New storm door
New raised panel vinyl shutters
Ah, that sense of accomplishment that eludes me with my nebulous work.

Oh. And the new Indi@na Jones? Mediocre.

Book #22: Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics, Margaret Farley. Good, but only applicable for adults.

Book # 23: Memories of My Melancholy Whores, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. You know, I thought I didn't like One Hundred Years of Solitutude because I read it in Kenya, and that was a weird setting for that book. It was very him. I don't know if I liked it or not.

2008-05-21T07:43:00.003-04:00

Book #20: Into the Wild. Jon Kr@kauer. Swoon. Major, major swoon. Singular complaint: I read his other two books in audiobook form, and he read the other two himself. This one was some other guy.

Book #21: Pillars of the Earth. Someone please tell me why this book is such a big deal.

The Mr and I just bought some midnight blue raised panel shutters "to update the exterior of our home" (I looked for a picture to post, but they're all a little off). They're midnight blue, so we're painting all the outside doors to match.

Other than that, I've been... well, working (and reading, apparently). We've had some turnover in staff, and I was made the priest in charge of administration about a month ago to help with the transition, etc. etc. I can't figure out if I'm incredibly inefficient or if there is just a whole lot of work to be done.

Okay, so I'm pretty boring right now. How are you?

the long overdue post

2008-05-08T06:53:00.009-04:00

You know how when you don't update for a while then the thought of updating becomes overwhelming? Yeah.

Voici a pic from the top of Notre Dome, taken on the long awaited, and highly enjoyable, Paris trip. It was so wonderful I resolved to take all of my vacation this year, rest of the staff be damned (I work with a former Franciscan who I actually really like but who doesn't take half of his vacation). I thought that jet lag, etc. would cancel out all restorative vacation benefits. Thankfully, I was incredibly wrong. This is also one of the first major vacations we've taken that didn't revolve around family. We forfeited two graduations to go on this vacation, and we definitely made the right decision, though some of the family, which is full of teachers, forgets that not everyone has three plus months off (my time off is generous; the mr's is not). Anyhow.

I have a writer crush on Jon Krakauer right now. I finished Into Thin Air recently (book #19), about the 1996 Mt Everest climb. It was fantastic. I'm just a huge sucker for someone who teaches me something while entertaining me at the same time. Next is definitely Into the Wild.

In other news, I said the invocation at a local women's grant giving organization. I purposefully wrote an inclusive one, as I thought the occasion warranted. I may have received some passive aggressive backlash from the president of the organization, who picked a question to ask the guest speaker-- a famous country music singer-- if she felt the need not to talk about Jesus. I may use this occasion to restart my very, very stale work blog.

2008-04-14T18:38:00.003-04:00

books #17 & 18: Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises and A Movable Feast. The former seemed like a whole lot of name dropping at first. The Mr. thinks I didn't like it b/c Hemingway is a "man's writer." However, after reading the latter (over the course of one day waiting as a potential juror), I appreciated his stripped style much more. I don't think I could process it in audio book format (which is how I "read" The Sun).

2008-04-14T08:02:00.003-04:00

book #whatever: a cook's tour: in search of the perfect meal. not the most brilliant writing in the world, but i enjoyed it.
i have to answer a jury summons today around noon. if they pick me, i can't even tell you how screwed i am.
related to the above: a popular refrain around the church of late seems to be, "ms. rev or not can do it!" i exploded wednesday night. "NO. i'm not taking on one more thing. i CANNOT do everything. find someone else."

2008-04-07T21:36:00.003-04:00

you know how sometimes you really want to go to bed but can't manage to peel yourself off the couch in order to do it? i'm totally there right now.
the mr's parents were here this past weekend. it was like his mom took all of her annoying habits and cranked them up, just for fun.
i'm pretty sure the above two bullet points are related.

2008-04-05T08:21:00.003-04:00

book #15: Heloise and Abelard: A New Biography. I had it lying around and had never read it.
I have spring fever, as in, I really want it to be warm again. I want to wear dresses and skirts and to go to the beach on day trips again.

post

2008-04-02T21:43:00.003-04:00

how stale is my blog?
holy week and easter were really pretty good... less tiring, too, i think because i knew what to expect from this community.
i recently returned from a mission trip with the high school students. new orleans is still in pretty bad shape in many parts.
book #13: memoir of a race traitor by mab segrest (organizing against klan/neo-nazi activities in NC in the 80s... interesting for me since i live here)
book #14: paris: a secret history... for rapidly approaching trip!!! a narrative that speaks of people histories tend to leave out (lower classes, thieves, prostitutes, working peeps, etc. aka anyone not nobility). only makes sense if you have the original framework of history to hang it on. otherwise, hard to make sense of (i was familiar with some time periods and really enjoyed those chapters and was a little more lost in the other ones).

2008-03-15T15:05:00.004-04:00

Book #12: I recently finished Jim Wallis' The Great Awakening: Reviving Faith and Politics in a Post-Religious Right America. I kept having stirrings that reminded me of what Carol wrote about her emerging church conference experience in that I just think it's weird that some people are just figuring about that Christianity and social justice have something to do with each other (I'm not talking about Jim Wallis himself. I think he's the real deal). I also wonder what's supposed to be so different about this generation's idealism compared with others; will it not go away as they/we grow older?

***
I have bangs now. I haven't had bangs for about fifteen years. Back then, I had mall bangs... you know what I mean. I'm adjusting.

Much more important things that that are going on, but my brain is checking out.

book #11: reading challenge 2008

2008-03-05T08:09:00.004-05:00

These short little biography Penguin classics are total cheating, but I don't care, because they've been pretty good. I read George Balachine's last year and recently finished Charles Dickens'. Now that was a productive man. In addition to his novels, he did all these public readings of his work, including the murder since in Oliver Twist. He also guarded his private life towards the end so virulently that it's still not clear whether or not he had a mistress and whether or not he had a child with her. One of the most famous men of his time was somehow able to keep secrets. Hmm.

Speaking of being productive (not being secretive), I tried really hard today to be so. I cleaned the bathroom; I vacuumed; I washed every single thing (coveree thing, sheets, blankets, and quilt) on our bed; I washed the towels; I washed the darks; I installed a brand new expandable silverware tray; I took our taxes by the accountant's office: I recycled some magazines and put a few aside to leave at the gym. I cooked fagoli soup and made brownies. I also went to the gym and did the elliptical and took a yoga class. I guess I'm writing this because I still feel like... like, wait, what did I do all day? I'm the type of person who has to write out what she does after she does in order to cross it off so I'll feel like I did something. I guess I just did it publicly today.

The Mr., who just moved back here last week from training in nearby-but-still 1.5 hrs away- place, is still not home yet from work (it's 9 p.m. on Friday). Since I cooked supper (see above), I feel indigent.

the post about tupperware

2008-03-02T19:19:00.011-05:00

at first i was completely discouraged by you, you who cleaned out closets while on maternity leave. me, i'm not sporting even one kid, let alone three, and my closets are awful. my only defense is that the mr is something of a packrat, and i've yet to bypass him and throw stuff out without his knowledge. somehow, the clouds parted, and i woke up saturday morning totally inspired. the stars in my crown would be the organization of the massive amount of tupperware that used to make me crazy, facilitated by some stuff from linens n things. we put away sheets and towels from the linen closet into senselessly empty trunks. i rearranged the kitchen cabinets so we could get to the stuff we use. i even enticed the mr. to give away some clothes that i've never seen him wear. hoorah! that, and i actually felt like we had a social life briefly. we had a couple over friday night and went out saturday night. maybe there's hope for a clergy person to make friends? maybe?

okay, i'll stop teasing. i know this picture is what you really came to see. ta-dah! they're rather bright (particularly against my really, really white legs), so i've been wearing them with gray, black, khaki, and blue (aka what i normally wear). they're so wonderfully comfortable. they're rather casual, which doesn't bother me, but might bum others out. i'm wearing them to officiate at compline tonight. mwhaha... dark night services...!!

another miscellaneous post

2008-02-28T12:06:00.003-05:00

I listened to Jon Krakauer's Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith on the way back from DC. The chapters switch between some contemporary fundamentalist Mormon communities (FLDS) and the history of Mormonism. He notes that any religion can and does breed extremism, and even violence, but looks particularly at what it is about the LDS church that seems to encourage separatism (ah, the dangers of direct revelations from God for those who are mentally ill). The book also made me think about what religious freedom in the US does and does not entail. I'd recommend it (beware the grisly parts).

The shoes came. I am so in love with them. They are fabulous, funky, and comfortable. I will post a pic soon.
Turning into annoying married person alert: I meet my brother's new girlfriend, and I want to tell him that I like her and not to mess it up.
I don't mind working with children and youth. They're great. It's their parents that make me crazy.
As much as I like preaching, which I do (it's one of my favorite parts of the job), scheduling the deacon, DRE, and a youth preacher so that I'm only preaching one Sunday in March and one in May allows one to get some much needed administrative work done.
Other good part of job: being able to consider community work work time. I'm on a task force to end chronic homelessness in the county. This committee helps me feel less like a cog/less like a pacifier (believe it or not). I'm also getting to learn lots about homelessness in different communities.

according to microsoft word...

2008-02-19T11:54:00.001-05:00

..."Triduum" is not a word. The suggested changes are atrium, iridium, and tritium.

Nice.

latest shoe obsession

2008-02-15T19:56:00.005-05:00

i'm so used to being a student that i still act like one sometimes, spending wise, more or less (except for that whole "mortgage" and "extravagant trip to paris"). during grad school, the bottleneck had gotten somewhat severe. when the mr and i both started having incomes about 1.5 years ago, i shopped more. however, the practical streak knows it's better to do other things with our money, things like paying off student loans, that kinda fun stuff.

i don't think i've bought accessories, shoes, or clothes for about three months. this really isn't that big of a feat since there was christmas in the middle of it, in which i received a great purple jacket and some new fun earrings. but i have been avoiding target, so that's something.

and then. this morning when i went to recycle the garnet hill catalog, because i didn't want to get anything and because thought there wouldn't be anything in there that would interest me anyhow since i'm not yet 40, it fell open to this page.

lust at first sight. ah, you kicky orange mary janes. why must you torture me?

what think ye, fair reader?

book #9: reading challenge 2008

2008-02-14T19:27:00.004-05:00

Zadie Smith's On Beauty addresses a lot of issues fairly well, particularly marriage, race, class, and ethnicity, though it does so a bit self-consciously. Overall, it's a pretty good read. I hope to pick up White Teeth, her first novel, at some point this year.

I've now read the same amount of books that most American women read in an entire year. I'm officially somewhat scared.

***
I couldn't give two shits about Valentine's Day, except for the fact that my mom makes these insanely good valentine's day cookies. They're your basic sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles, but somehow, they're absolutely amazing. She's mailed them to me when I lived in Durham, Boston, Dallas, and New Haven. This year, I checked even the front porch when I came home. I gave literal and metaphorical meaning to the phrase "No cookies."

miscellany

2008-02-09T09:18:00.000-05:00

book #8: reading challenge

Rowan Williams' Lost Icons: Reflections on Cultural Bereavement. Typical Rowan--very dense. My brain isn't as used to scholarly discourse anymore, being out of school and all. He deconstructs "choice" well, though, and for that, I'm grateful.

***

Last week I felt ready to throw in the towel. I hated my job. I was so frustrated, frustrated by self-centeredness, complacency, unwillingness, my own and everyone else's. This job can feel like such a joke sometime. I was almost in tears most of the week. The wear and tear of the emotional taxation of a job was showing up on my face and my body. Several parishioners took one look at me and told me to take a break. When I didn't, because I couldn't-- a funeral, Ash Wednesday, and Lent were approaching relentlessly-- several days later, a woman whose father I buried forced the phone into my hand and dialed a masseuse's number for me. I asked if she had any openings for Friday afternoon. 2:30. Fine. I hung up. I showed up to my massage on Friday (I haven't had one in about two years) to discover that one of my parishioners had beat me there to pay for it. I was nearly in tears again, this time for a totally different reason.

book #7: reading challenge 2008

2008-02-06T22:28:00.000-05:00

This is the book that the interminable movie "The Christmas Story" is based on (I realize that sentence is grammatically bad, but I'm so not in the mood to fix it). The Mr's family loves the movie, and his aunt gave it to me for Christmas. The tone is rather prairie home companion-esque. I need something light to read before I go to sleep, and this was that. Not bad, just not go out and buy this book, unless you happen to love books about the Depression (what is it with me and Depression books lately?). The fact that I knew most of the stories already made the read anticlimactic; I don't feel that way about all stories I already know, but I do this one.

***
Can I tell you how happy I am this day is over? I'm so very happy.

ash wednesday? what?!

2008-02-06T15:23:00.000-05:00

i bought plane tickets to go to paris for a week in late april! YES!!

in other news, being awake at 7 a.m. is perfectly fine. officiating and preaching at a 7 a.m. service is not fine, as was evidenced by the massive amount of stumbling over words.

ms rev or not's shrove tuesday planner

2008-02-05T19:36:00.000-05:00

8:30 a.m. coffee with the rector. finalized sunday and weekday preaching through the end of may
10:00 a.m. emails re: great litany, premarriage counseling. sunday bulletin proofing
11:00 a.m. nursing home communion
12:00 p.m. finalized funeral homily, checked church set-up
1:00 p.m. funeral and reception for woman with severe alzeheimer's; first funeral homily of someone i didn't sort of kinda know
3:00 p.m. transition to independence subcommittee for task force to end chronic homelessness... realizing i should be on public awareness committee (the op-ed writers)
5:30 p.m. pancake supper/burning of the palms

the acting altar guild head made me get out the phone book and stood beside me while i called a masseuse.

***
re: the dean. being a dean is not a big deal in some ways. it's like being head of the county. i convene people. the fancy title is to make me feel better about the extra work, i suppose.

***
ash wednesday. ash wednesday. ash wednesday. ash wednesday. 4 services. one at 7 a.m. going to bed now.

it's odd

2008-02-01T22:17:00.000-05:00

how sitting down all day can make you tired.

ah, convention.

tomorrow i will be the very rev ms rev or not... the diocese's newest dean, sent in to break up the boys' club.

So I have a wee bit of writer's block.

2008-01-29T15:14:00.000-05:00

Last year, I preached an Ash Wednesday sermon that just all came together. I went back and read it, which was a mistake, I might add, and wondered how on earth I wrote it. It worked on a number of levels and was profound and funny and true.

A few years ago, I also did some extensive work with the lectionary text from Genesis assigned for Lent 1. Now that sermon had some good things going for it, but all the time and research and questions I asked about the text are still there, though I have some different ones this time around. I'm preaching then, too (and we have convention this weekend, so I'm trying to get a jumpstart on all this).

I haven't had too many multiple encounters with texts to preach yet; I'm still too new. The next time around has a different feel to it, and, right now, it feels a little off. I'm not quite sure how to work that all out yet.

Is the thrill already gone?

books #5 and #6

2008-01-27T13:30:00.000-05:00

When is one actually done with a book of poetry? I'm not really "done" with it, but I have indeed read all the poems in Billy Collins' "The Trouble with Poetry: And Other Poems." Actually, to be totally honest, and this is definitely more than anyone needs to know, I kept the book on the back of the toilet to read at my leisure (magazine articles are too long, imho). But you know what? I think Billy Collins would get a kick out of that. So there.

Also, if you want to get some really weird looks, might I recommend taking Cornel West's "Race Matters" to read at the gym, particularly in eastern North Carolina, particularly if you're white? I thought it was good; he doesn't really let much of anyone off the hook. I found the essay "The Pitfalls of Racial Reasoning" particularly compelling.

book #4: reading challenge 2008

2008-01-21T15:40:00.001-05:00

the great thing about this reading challenge is always having something to blog about (something about which to blog).

i almost feel sorry for people who write the great american novel, you know? then you have to live up to yourself, which is way worse than trying to live up to someone else.

yesterday i finished don delillo's "falling man," which is certainly no "underworld." basically, it's the story of family in nyc after 9-11 (i'm not good at summarizing). it's not the kind of fiction that just flows effortlessly; it's the kind that forces you to slow down and pay attention. fortunately, it's worth the effort, or at least it was for me.

book #3: reading challenge 2008

2008-01-19T18:52:00.001-05:00

I finished "Queen Victoria: A Personal History" today. I wanted to read it because A- I like biographies and B- I'm interested in the stereotype of the Victorian period as being so sexually repressive. This book obviously wasn't about that, but:

She and PA certainly didn't seem to shy away from sex. They had eight kids. Supposedly, she got mad at her doctor when he suggested they didn't have more kids (because of her depression), as she thought he was asking her to "give up her fun in bed."
Prince Albert, her husband and the Prince Consort, was, however, very morally upright, so to speak. He died (at the age of 41!) shortly after discovering their oldest son was sexually involved with some random woman. The general consensus is that he wasn't all that sick but had no will to live.
Victoria also didn't let any person in her household be alone with someone of the opposite sex (or something to that effect). When her children became engaged, they were still not allowed to be alone with their fiance/e. Honestly, I think that was partially a control freak thing; she hated losing her ladies in waiting/her children to marriage.

All of this is to say, I still don't know anything.

The book really lived up to its subtitle. I was hoping to learn a little more about the history of the period, but the book was very focused on Queen Victoria's life; events that directly influenced her, or that she was intimately involved in, were detailed but not much else. That's okay. I found out other random stuff: like she reigned for 64 years, that all European royalty is related by blood or marriage, and that the Kaiser was HM's grandson (!), and that Queen Victoria was the one who said, "We are not amused."

Anyhow.

***

Last night I cooked a split pea soup, and tonight I made tuna casserole. Both are great ways to use up random veggies in the fridge that are threatening to go bad. I also baked a pumpkin pie and vacuumed yesterday. All of this domesticity is not entirely in character, but I got to thinking. I often clean when someone is about to come over, but I really enjoy the place more when it's clean. Why always do something for someone else? Deep thoughts, by me.

***

I am ready for all the interlopers at the gym to give up on their new year's resolutions so I can workout in peace again.

has anyone else ever wondered about the fact

2008-01-19T09:36:00.000-05:00

that the category "foreign" movie is not only viable but apparently an acceptable one? the only thing "foreign" movies seem to have in common is the fact that i'm going to be reading subtitles. couldn't someone come up with something slightly more descriptive? just curious.

Book #2: Tobacco Road

2008-01-14T07:17:00.000-05:00

Where I live, all the women are in a book club.

I was here a year before someone invited me to join their book club. I don't think it's me; I think people don't think of clergy people socially sometimes, the same way kids don't think about teachers as real humans and thus have mini-meltdowns when they see their teacher in the grocery store.

Anyhow.

In about two weeks, I'm going to go to a book club to discuss Erskine Caldwell's Tobacco Road. Now. Apparently, this is some sort of "classic;" one of the women who works the front desk said it used to be required reading when she was growing up. Set during the Depression in Georgia, the story revolves around a family of farmers who are no longer able to farm, due to lack of credit and technology. The characters are lacking in every way possible but particularly, and most unfortunately, in things like good sense, imagination, and the ability to adapt.

This is not the story I've heard of the Depression in the South. The story I've heard goes a little more like this:

We were already living so hand to mouth when the Depression came, we couldn't tell that much of a difference. We quit selling crops and grew stuff to feed ourselves instead. The biggest difference was we didn't have new shoes. We would resole shoes with old tires from around the farm.

I wonder what my granny, who I'm paraphrasing above, would think of this book.

If you're in the market for a life is short and brutal type novel, go for it. If not, do not touch with a ten foot pole.

Book #1: Alexander Hamilton

2008-01-05T17:14:00.000-05:00

My friend and fellow YCW board member Alex brought to my (and others) attention the paltry reading habits of American adults. Honestly, though, I didn't know people read as much as they supposedly do. I think they lied on the survey. It's like when you go to the eye doctor and you tell them you don't sleep in your contacts.

This is, of course, all coming from an insufferable, elitist prig, who read about thirty books last year (that'd be me). Whatever. I bet most of you reading this read more than I did.

Anyhow.

Book #1: Reading Challenge 2008

Ron Chernow's (creatively named) Alexander Hamilton. Before I read this, I thought of Hamilton as that slightly snobbish guy who wrote the Federalist papers and died in a duel with Aaron Burr. The reality is (as always) much more complex. For starters, though he's often labeled an aristocrat due to his association with the newly forming Federalist party, Hamilton was largely a self-made man, born in the West Indies as an illegitimate orphan. He eventually came to the US for college and then found himself as Washington's chief of staff during the Revolution. He was incredibly productive, prolific, and responsible throughout most of his life (that affair with a married woman was the exception, not the rule). He's probably the most influential American politician who was never president (besides perhaps Ben Franklin). He was highly instrumental in the Constitution being ratified, our national banking system, executive power/privelege, etc.

The book is completely and totally massive (whenever a new person was introduced, Chern0w apparently felt obliged to give them a little mini-biography, which added to the book's 731 page length), but if you like biographies, it's a pretty good one.

the post about after christmas

2007-12-29T19:21:00.000-05:00

i'm still here.
visitors, visitors, visitors: my mom, my sister (who i haven't seen in 1.5 years b/c she lives literally halfway around the world), the in-laws, the sister-in-law, the brother-in-law. not all at the same time. the mr and i refused to travel after last year. it's just not a good time for a pastor to 'get away,' particularly if you're stuck with preaching the sunday after christmas (which i have been for the past two years... got to love being an associate at a larger church. i mean, would the world truly end if the congregation was left to their own devices? then again, i really like preaching sundays that returning college students are here).
woke up on advent 4 at 3 a.m. to the mr puking. he looked awful all of sunday but didn't throw up again and was eating again by christmas eve.
will never again have to preach my first christmas eve sermon. ever. yay. i ditched the notes halfway through and walked out of the pulpit. gasp! i've done that all of... twice, both occasions when someone died (once during a wedding!) and the pulpit felt too removed (it's very statuesque).
have decided that netflix's watching videos instantly on the computer is pretty much the best thing ever, when your brain is too mushy to read. on wednesday and thursday, i watched hours and hours of the office, puccini 4 beginners (not so great), and sense @nd sensibility.

does anyone want

2007-12-20T22:25:00.000-05:00

to tell me how it's practically december 21 already? the mere thought of that makes me feel really, really nervous.

the post with no title

2007-12-20T07:57:00.000-05:00

the deluge of food stuffs started yesterday.

to the parishioner who wrote on the tag of the chocolate chip pie: "freezes well": i've eaten two pieces in the past twenty-four hours (it's very, very yummy), so i don't think i'm going to find out how "well" the pie "freezes."

to the parishioner who gave me slice and bake cookies so burnt and thus inedible i had to throw them away: is this a passive aggressive gesture, particularly since last year you gave me burnt chocolate chip cookies?

to the parishioner who gave me a single serving of chex mix: thank you for not giving me too much. i'm being totally and completely serious. i already ate all of it, but it doesn't feel like that big a deal, which is oddly satisfying.

the post about how i feel

2007-12-19T07:39:00.000-05:00

in response to ppb's kind comment, asking me how i feel...

health-wise, i feel better. i think the crud is more or less gone, after almost four days of laying around. still don't know if it was a virus or bacterial and probably never will know. i'm still slightly coughy and sniffly, but i can walk about now, and that's an accomplishment.
i feel like if we have to do another funeral, my head will explode. two funerals in one week, particularly if that week happens to be during advent, is enough.
i feel like the pulpit is getting an awful lot of me lately. advent 3, funeral homily, christmas eve, christmas day, sunday after christmas.
i feel mediocre about my christmas eve sermon draft, and i don't want to preach it. don't worry, katherine, i won't steal yours.
i feel like if my little insomnia spat doesn't end soon... well, something. i don't know.
i feel pissed off. a couple of months ago, a youth lector changed the pronouns referring to the divine from 'he' to 'she' in the pulpit (after checking with the head lector about five minutes before the service, which to me was inadequate advance notice). she was up again last sunday, and the head lector asked her not to switch the pronouns because "some old women disguised as men" had complained. she no longer wants to read, which i can respect. i received an email from her mother saying she no longer wants to be on the lector list, either, and talking about how the episcopal church is a big tent, but now she's not so sure. this whole situation pisses me off for numerous reasons:

don't assume, mother, that just because you personally didn't hear me defend your daughter that that means she wasn't defended. i talked with people about the divine feminine after that; i simply didn't pick up the phone to let you know about it every time i did so.
i don't like that it seems that the complainers 'won' and the lector is being censured.
i'm also not sure that i'm entirely comfortable with her switching the pronouns in a scriptural reading. other places? prayers of the people? fine. but the lector's job is to read the text as given.
'big tent' doesn't mean that everyone gets what they want publicly all the time. that'd be impossible. the bigger the tent, the more likely we'll have clashes of opinions.
i would have preferred a note from the daughter rather than the mother. also, i think standing in solidarity by yourself is stupid (like people who boycott without being part of an organized boycott... ).
i feel frustrated that you chose to send this email on this week. thanks.
i'm not saying i'm right about any of this; this is just how i feel.

i feel a little anxious about my mom and sister visiting. this is cleaning and entertaining anxiety, mostly, along with a little family dynamic anxiety. fortunately, the mr. is a huge help. that, and i've secured us several invitations to eat with some fairly low-stress people while they're here, too, to mix it up a little bit.

more than you bargained for, more than you need to know, but there it is.

the post about the crud

2007-12-13T13:10:00.001-05:00

sometimes i'm secretly happy when i get sick. i get to stay in bed and read and watch movies, things i like to do and don't do all that often. this is not one of those times.

i have the crud. again. i just had the crud over thanksgiving. i'm in the mood to bake, paint, clean, write something slightly more thoughtful than my blog. but i have no energy whatsoever for those kinds of thing. so i'm not only sick, i'm really frustrated.

/whining.

another post

2007-12-10T06:42:00.001-05:00

this weekend:

got eyebrows waxed after seeing them and their hairiness in pics from campus ministry xmas party
pedicure (ahhh...)
visited parishioner in prison
friday night potluck with presbyterians
i seem to attract presbyterians. i'm not complaining. i'm just sayin'.
massive cleaning-out of paper in the mr.'s crap room (yes, that really is what we call it). i went through and filed a bunch of stuff and then went through our file cabinet (and all these papers he had thrown all over the place) to the tune of one GIANT trash bag's worth. he nearly had a heart attack when he saw me in there cleaning, but i have to live here, too, and that room makes me nuts. and i was extremely generous in what i did not throw out. so there. we're going to use the paper for kindling.
unfortunately, it was in the high 60s yesterday, which makes fires pretty much a non-option right now.
i like cleaning out. not cleaning up, but giving things away or throwing them away. i find it cleansing.
i married a packrat.
the nutcracker. it was pretty good, all things considered.
another advent wreath lighting fiasco. i am almost to the point where i want to refuse to be involved with lighting the damn thing at the main service.
led bible study on the gospel text for this week. preaching this coming sunday. for the first time in my life, i feel sorry for john the baptizer. before, he's always just made me squirmy. you can still be called by god and be really, really, really (really) off about what that means.
the mr. is doing some major structural stuff underneath the house. i can't even describe it, b/c i don't understand it.
present-wrapping
primed bookshelf for painting
laundry
made lentil-spinach soup. it called for three cups of water. i substituted two cups chicken broth, 1 cup white wine. it cooked down nicely, though i was nervous right after i put in the wine.
weird tickly throat... had to go to sleep sucking on cough drop... wasn't i just sick?
cat in love with (fake) christmas tree... won't stop sitting under it.
yesterday: one year as a priest
today: need to be very productive/focus at work. in the meantime, if anyone talks to me at the gym this morning, i will hurt him. i'm not feeling talkative.
i'm perfectly aware that this blog has gotten fairly boring fairly quickly, which is somewhat disappointing, but i seem to be unable to muster the wherewithal to change that.

the post about passports

2007-11-27T21:12:00.000-05:00

the other day, when i saw the package from the us government, i spent several seconds trying to figure out what i had done wrong. then i remembered: passport renewal. have you seen the new ones? they're rather high-tech, or at least they seem so when you compare it to the one i was issued in '98, with my picture just pasted in it, not digitally scanned.

and, on an equally important note, if anyone can figure out how to make their legs shave themselves, please tell me.

the post about guilt (extended disco version)

2007-11-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

i love it when i live in to stereotypes, don't you? i go on vacation; i get sick. i have some type of bronchitis. meh. oh, well. what can you do?

the real question is: why do i feel slightly guilty for lounging though i'm sick and on vacation? i've seen people: dad, maternal extended family-- cousins, aunts, uncle, grandmother, oh my!--, best friend, best friend's girlfriend, lots of mom time. i wrote a sermon; i wrote newsletter articles. got the car aligned-- headed off potential flat b/c guy at tire place found nail in tire. somehow i still feel unproductive. i'm not supposed to be productive!! i'm on vacation! i'm sick! what's wrong with me?! wait; don't answer that.

most of the guilt is due to my old room at my mom's stares at me accusingly:

still
full
full
full
of
my things
my things
my things

middle school jewelry from claire's strewn on the desk
clothes, including the prom dress, the wedding dress, my favorite dress from high school
books, books, books, everywhere, and nothing to read
any and all things ballet-related, trinkets on the dresser, posters on the walls, tutus in the closet, everywhere
dolls, including two american girls(ppb-- direct me to your post)
drawings from art class
reply cards from the wedding
and i moved a lot of things out last october, into my home with the mr., but it's not enough.

is it ever enough?
am i ever done?

i'm fairly process-oriented, generally okay with not doing something concrete and tangible with, well, with my life, but every once in a while, it grates on me.

HEY! every once in a while? go. away. now. (please.)

the post about mom's house

2007-11-16T20:52:00.000-05:00

i'm at my mom's house. i think all the major crashing i did after exams in college in this space made me associate it with sleep. i can barely keep my eyelids open, and it's not even 9 p.m. on a friday. zzz...

the post about this weekend

2007-11-11T19:44:00.000-05:00

this weekend:

senior voice recital of one of the college students (can't go to all of the recitals, but i go to at least one-- senior is kinda the last chance)
painted porch swing (one coat primer, two coats exterior white)
preaching galore: about how questions shape the answers we receive and death (freddie the leaf story for family and children's service)
first fire in the fireplace
church hosted social gathering for ppl who are the same ethnicity as the refugee family the church is sponsoring. one of the other refugee families was in a car accident on the way home-- car went off the road, the driver overcorrected into oncoming traffic on two lane highway. mother- dead. baby- dead. aunt- dead. father and 3 yr old in critical condition. to come so far to die here.

the post about 10 things

2007-11-09T09:59:00.000-05:00

pastor peters tagged me, so here goes:

1) when i flip through the channels, i have a hard time not stopping on bad fashion reality TV like project runway and america's next top model.

2) the holidays are hard for me, but not for the regular reasons; they're hard b/c i miss being in the nutcracker.

3) one of my pet peeves is people who are over the age of twenty-one or so and think they're so unique that no one can understand them. come on. we're all different, sure, but come on. get over yourself.

4) i've been to every continent except for antarctica.

5) i'm completely addicted to my own endorphins. i get moody if i don't work out.

6) my in-laws and my mom went to high school together.

7) i love target, but who doesn't?

8) i wash my car about once a year. we don't water our lawn.

9) i'm going to start blogging for my job soon.

10) i think i might be getting sick, which is a total bummer.

i think everyone whose blog i read has already done this, so i'm not going to tag anyone :)

the post about giving blood

2007-11-01T17:43:00.000-04:00

i gave blood today.

the first time i gave blood was about eight years ago, as part of a college blood drive in which ms. rev's school was pitted against its most hated sports rival. the woman who found my vein (i use the word 'found' rather loosely here) did an awful job. i could feel the needle the entire time. i was sweating profusely (not glowing, or perspiring, or whatever. sweating). i almost fainted afterwards. it was one of the most awful things i'd ever done voluntarily (voluntarily). i quickly became one of the 95% of people eligible to give blood who yet does not. plus, hated sports rival got more blood than we did; my blood-letting was all for naught.

fast forward to now. several kids in the parish have cancer (yes, more than one). one of them hosted a blood drive at a local bank probably about 8 months ago. i wouldn't go so far as to say i liked it. i mean, really. let's not kid ourselves here. it's just that giving blood wasn't the horror show i remembered it being. other than the fact that the people are always disturbed that i've been to kenya (in june 2005), and other than the fact that, in this day and age, they have to verify EACH TIME that the area is "okay" (i'm actually not convinced that i was not in a malaria zone; i also think that the malaria would have shown up by now), it's not so bad. today i got a great apron. i tried to post a pic, but it was HUGE. the apron says, "i love pumpkin pie," except it says, "I (heart) (picture of pumpkin) (pi math symbol).

the moment i saw it, i was happy that such an apron was now in my possession because...

the mr.'s grandmother gave relentlessly to the disaster relief section of the american red cross (carried a pager and everything). he'll love that the apron is from the red cross.
the mr. loves my pumpkin pie (yes, i bake. sort of).
the mr. loves math. he bought a calculus book FOR FUN the other day. ... yeah.
the mr. loves to cook. cooks need aprons. it's a scientifically proved fact.

normally i would try and wait and give it to him, but i couldn't. i put it on right as i walked in the door last night.

i wrote the kid a card: "thanks for helping me get over myself. go socks!"

the miscellaneous post

2007-10-28T16:08:00.000-04:00

i'm feeling a little annoyed:

parishioner: are you letting your hair grow out?

me: i'm not really sure what i'm doing.(<--not just applicable to my hair, but that's okay. parishioner doesn't need to know that.)

parishioner: well, growing it out is more girly. it looks like a boy's with it short.

grr. commenting on my hair? not appropriate. unless, of course, you want to tell me how great it looks. in other news:

went to bed and breakfast with the mr., where we did b & b type things. weird to wake up and not be able to leap out of bed (okay, stumble groggily out of bed) and immediately began chores... delicious.
movie watching ruled the weekend: carlito's way, hannah and her sisters, farewell my concubine
i'm fairly certain i left my prayerbook outside on the ground after the 10:30 service. i'm going to try to beat the rain to it. good thing i have to go back for a requiem evensong anyhow.
the mr. and i raked the backyard for about 1.5 hours this afternoon. we'll probably have to do it again before the fall is out. this was the preemptive raking of the pine needles.
the mr. is making etoufee (no, spellcheck, NOT the same thing as Stouffer's) as i write. long live cajun food.

the post about parish ministry

2007-10-23T18:41:00.000-04:00

i had one of those days that made me think, wow. my job is really, really weird.

8:30 a.m.: coffee w/ rector; talked about burn-out and thank you notes
9:30 a.m.: breakfast w/ parishioner, mother of two children under the age of 4, former advertising exec at ralph lauren (not rachel green from friends)
10:30 a.m.: emails, phone calls, wrote bulletin/newsletter announcements, wrote letter to judge on behalf of a mother in a custody battle
11:15 a.m.: debriefed w/ youth/young adult minister re: frustrations
12:00 p.m.: conversation w/ lay leader/rector about vestry elections; asked that they consult DRE before trying to cancel any adult education
12:30 p.m.: lunch in DRE's office; talked about Advent/life
1:30 p.m.: impromptu pastoral conversation w/ self-described drunk bipolar cocaine addict lesbian prostitute poet
2:15 p.m.: proofread/edited this sunday's requiem evensong bulletin; phone conversation with musician for said evensong; searched for appropriate nonbiblical reading (decided to choose poem from mary olivier's thirst)
3:30 p.m.: email to engaged couple telling them no, they could not have their deposit back, since they decided to get married elsewhere since the FOB doesn't want a woman officiant
4 p.m.: hospital visit to 11 year old who had emergency appendectomy; confused parking attendant with clergy badge because, and i quote, "you're not a man." <-- i can't make this s**t up.

and yet somehow i feel like i didn't get much done. i think that's the problem with having an amorphous job that doesn't have tangible results most of the time.

the post about getting older (or not)

2007-10-20T14:06:00.001-04:00

this past week or so, i suddenly noticed faint but definite defiant wrinkles making their way across my forehead. my skin has the nerve to be both wrinkly AND zitty? that's just so mean! i thus have became one of those late twenty somethings who uses nightcream:

i feel like this should be totally beneath me, like i should know better. but i don't. clearly. it's mostly pure vanity. to be fair to me, i'm pretty sure it's not totally beneath the church as an institution. think about it.

the thing that irritates me is that it is not as if i have the wisdom that comes with age. no, in some ways, i'm still a kid. i was an extremely picky eater as a child. my mother literally could not get me to eat. poor thing had to stuff my mouth because i lost weight during some of my well baby checks. my mom discovered the wonder condiment: ketchup. i began to eat. to further complicate matters, i later had a butterfly retainer cemented in my mouth when i was something like three years old. i didn't have an underbite; i didn't have an overbite; i had a sideways bite from sucking my left pointer finger. so for a few months all i ate was campbell's tomato soup, instant grits, and applesauce.

i would no longer describe myself as picky. i have a few random food aversions. i don't like the texture of coconut, and i don't like most olives. other than that, i eat pretty widely, like a good little hipster. i adore sushi, indian food, and thai food. i'll try most anything once, with my crowning glory being stir fried bumblebees (tastes like popcorn). i'm all grown-up.

as a general rule, i recommend luna bars, particularly the nutz (sic) over chocolate and blueberry morning sunrise flavors, despite their silly names. i discovered them when i was vegan and missed the taste of chocolate. besides, they keep forever in my desk at work.

however, i have to amend my previous blanket luna endorsement because the following flavor is indescribably bad:

i literally cannot eat luna's lemonzest bars. i tried. on two different occasions. i spit the offending bar out both times, wrinkling my forehead in consternation over the nastiness that this is.

the post about hair, fish, and books

2007-10-11T11:34:00.000-04:00

when i came in yesterday, the mr.'s grandmother's fish, who i adopted after she died a few months ago, was dead (gone to join his original owner, i suppose). a dead fish is quite dramatic. it was lying on its side on the bottom of the bowl w/ its little eyes shut. i felt horrible.
my hair is out of control. one would think my hair is too short to be out of control. not so. my haircutter cut my hair with a razor about two weeks ago. it is now wild. i tend to just stick a headband in it and declare victory, acting as if i meant for it to look so... mad scientist-esque, like those people who spend half an hour making their head look as if they just got out of bed. but the truth is, i've lost all control over my wee bit of hair, which is (let's call it what it is) pathetic.
i broke down and ordered those three books: albert einstein biography, margaret atwood short stories, and blue like jazz are on their way. i'm ecstatic.

the post about clergy conference and books

2007-10-08T20:51:00.000-04:00

i just got back from attending the mandatory clergy conference of this diocese. the next youngest woman? 45. and she is leaving. the next youngest after that is 49.

anyhow, monday morning was excellent; a new testament professor came and basically helped us to do a blitz bible study for advent sermon prep. she was great. she seemed so engaged with the text, and i imagine--though i don't know--that it might be partially due to her faith. i miss school.

monday afternoon was free. i spent two hours on the beach, one of those hours in the ocean. and THAT is why you live in the south... still in the atlantic in mid-october. it's unseasonably warm, but we'll breeze right over that. i actually got a slight sunburn on tuesday morning.

i swam alone on tuesday, after the conference was over. we all know that's a big no-no, especially in the ocean. i got all metaphorical thinking about how this time last year i felt like i was swimming alone-- no friends around, etc. etc. more dangerous than the situation itself--most people who swim alone end up coming out of the ocean--was not realizing/appreciating the potential danger of isolation--the consequences of getting sucked into a riptide.

that's too much pontificating pre-coffee.

on a totally unrelated note, i'm completely drooling over several books right now-- a new albert einstein biography, blue like jazz, and margaret atwood's moral disorder. i want them so much i'm actually distracted by it, but i feel guilty about buying stuff sometimes.

the post about the blessing of the stuffed animals

2007-10-03T10:23:00.000-04:00

this morning, during preschool chapel, it occurred to me that i can bless stuffed animals without anyone blinking an eye and yet the bishop here does not allow me to bless the relationships of same sex couples in committed relationships.

the post about acne

2007-10-03T09:00:00.001-04:00

remember when you were a teenager and you thought that when you were all grown-up, your skin would finally (finally) be free of those hateful zits?

remember when you got some monstrosities of zits as an almost thirty year old that rival those you had in your teenage years, maybe even those you see weekly in youth group?

the post about steamers

2007-09-30T22:15:00.000-04:00

the mr. is a fantastic cook, and he loves to do it to boot. but, left to his own devices in place where he's training, he will do eat poorly: junior bacon cheeseburgers, an entire bag of tater tots for dinner, BK broiler stacks... i think you probably get the gist. this leads to ulcers on his part. and as much as he loves to cook (no, really), he likes to do things like reroof the shed more when he's actually here (he's like a domestic god, which works, since i'm a domestic idiot).

in other words, i'm doing more of the cooking lately. now, i'm not a bad cook. i can follow a recipe. i can be inventive but not in a scary "good lord, what is that?" sort of way. but i have definite brain farts, like, "which one is a skillet again?" i also forget to put ingredients in (i write it off as part of my charm). i'm just insecure, particularly in the greatness of the mr.'s skills, and, like everyone else in the free world, a little time strapped on occasion. anyhow.

what i'm trying to say is this: i've discovered these (kind of in the same way christopher columbus discovered america, as in, my 'discovery' is pretty much a misnomer), and i'm digging them thus far:

you just throw the bag in the microwave for like 5 minutes, and voila! yummy veggies. there are a few other varieties, including garlic cauliflower, and there also is a family-sized pack.

that is all.

the post about lusting after shoes

2007-09-25T20:49:00.000-04:00

the mr. is at home tonight, which is great and unusual. and yet, somehow, all i can think about are my latest conquests. this has less to do w/ the mr. and far more to do with the fact that i have shown remarkable restraint and have not purchased any shoes for about nine months:

these lovelies are on their way to me now via ups. they're going to be the perfect shoe for the pulpit this fall and winter (remember, i live in the south). if they're anything like my other peep toes from this same company (see current profile pic), they'll look fantastic/outlandish and be surprisingly comfortable, too.

i picked these up at target the other day (say it with me: tar-jay!):

i wore them today, and they looked absolutely fabulous but gave me a slight blister. grr. i'm hoping that it'll be better when they break in some.

i'm so vain; i bet i think this post is about me... carly simon, anyone?

ahem. yeah.

the post about which no one will care

2007-09-24T14:57:00.001-04:00

might we have a brief discussion about how tired i am?

i am. so tired.

poo on wanting to maintain some semblance of propriety by not having couches in my office.

poo on work.

poo on big huge homecoming sundays that sap the energy of leetle closet introvert me.

poo on preaching this coming sunday at three services, one of which must be a children's sermon, which are so much harder than "regular" sermons and leading the creatively named high school group and officiating at evensong.

sigh. and blah. and no one wants to hear this.

the post about no prayer before judgment

2007-09-18T07:01:00.001-04:00

given one of my below posts, it probably will not surprise anyone that i got a speeding ticket a few weeks ago (though might surprise you to find out that i actually hadn't had a moving violation in over ten years). i called friendly lawyer parishioner guy (note: again, something i really shouldn't be doing) and asked with him, embarrassingly, to "take care of it." he said he was happy to do so (after explaining to me where he had been last sunday--see below--though i didn't ask and quite frankly didn't care).

however.

i was speeding in a school zone (going 40 mph in a 25 mph , to be more exact). in my defense, school had started that week, and i don't normally drive on this street during the posted hours. but i was.

now, i'm not a lawyer (clearly). i did know that if you don't have lots of moving violations, you normally can appear in court on your appointed day and ask for a reduction. i had forgotten that doing so is known as "prayer before judgment," which, given my line of work, intrigued me.

however, since i was speeding in a school zone, i am not allowed a prayer before judgment. i am NOT ALLOWED a PRAYER BEFORE JUDGMENT. me and DUIers forfeit the chance to have a prayer before judgment. what kind of theology is that? apparently, speeding in school zone is the unforgivable sin against the holy ghost to which jesus refers.

i'm being sent to driver purgatory (all of that reformation stuff for naught) aka "driver improvement school" aka bad driver class aka clever way for community college to stay afloat by charging $55 for 8 hours for delinquent people like myself who can't afford to have their insurance go up and do not want to lose their license, either.

the post about guilt

2007-09-04T19:36:00.000-04:00

well, it's that time of year again, the time when the summer is officially over, school is back in session, and people start coming back to church. at this time, i have to keep reminding myself *not* to say one particular four letter word, one four letter word that is the mack-daddy (are we still saying mack daddy?) of the long list of four letter words that ms. reverend... or not tries not to say and yet invariably says...

y'all, the word is "miss."

surprised? let me back up for a minute here.

i've found that i simply cannot say to a parishioner "i've missed you." when i was a wee ordained lass, and did not have all of 1.1 years of ordained experience under my belt, i would occasionally utter the dreaded three word phrase. now, when i said to a parishioner, "i've missed you," i meant something like this: "hey, it's been awhile since i've seen you. i think you're kinda neat, and i like having you around, so it's good to see you again."

the response i received was, with shockingly little variation, something to this effect: "well, uh, we've been, uh, busy. work has been awful, my parents are sick, the kids have soccer games and swim meets and violin rehearsals during church, and, wouldn't you know, the beloved family gerbil died, too."

from this, i gather what they thought i was trying to say went something like this: "YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN CHURCH IN WEEKS!!! EXPLAIN YOURSELF, YOU WORTHLESS WORM, OR RISK ETERNAL DAMNATION!"

it makes me sad and actually a little angry that it seems (from my totally unscientific, anecdotal evidence) that the human emotional trump card of guilt is dwarfing all else, including the chance that i actually, in fact, merely missed said person or family, nothing more, nothing less. i like feeling as if i'm able to speak my mind when i want, something which has gotten me into trouble more than once. i've been willing to pay that price because i feel the cost is my authenticity. since i made a conscious decision not to tell parishioners i've missed them, i wonder why i've made an exception.

i think the answer goes a little something like this: i grew up in the south, where guilt, particularly within families, is nothing less than an art form. i don't even know how many times i've been blindsided by guilt, some of it well-deserved, some not at all deserved in any form or fashion. because of the many, many ways and times guilt has been used on me to try and get me to do or not do things, i'm not a big fan of people purposefully trying to make me feel guilty, so i try not to inflict that on others if i can possibly help it.

i suppose, then, there's a certain irony in the fact that i'm employed by an institution that, when it comes down to it, may have not been able to sustain itself without the use of guilt. which makes me wonder: is it okay for me to play the guilt card for greater ends? my knee jerk reaction is to say, "no, of course not; that's an abuse of power and position." to be fair, though, to be the devil's advocate, what am i missing, if anything at all, by trying to give guilt the proverbial heave-ho?

the post about driving

2007-08-28T20:04:00.000-04:00

every once in a while, some kind soul, noticing that my nondescript car is bereft of a denominational marker of any kind, will kindly give me one, assuming, i suppose, that the reason i don't have the episcopal shield on my car is simply because i don't have said sticker.

oh, if only that were the case.

the truth is, i'm currently in the running for world's most irate driver. i would be a professional, were i not trying to maintain my amateur status for the irate driving olympics. the way i yell at other people when i'm driving is unbecoming for anyone who portends to call herself human, let alone someone who is supposedly (or, rather, is) ordained.

it wasn't always this way. i used to live in other lands-- Walkingland (i.e. a town in New England, where everything wasn't all spread out) and, my personal favorite, Subwayland (i.e. major metropolitan area-- oh, to read during my commute again).

but. alas. i now live in a land in which people stare at me when i dare to walk all of three blocks (i wish i were kidding). and i encounter inane drivers daily. this leads to lots of loud yelling, in which i generally question the driver's intelligence while calling him every name in the book (plus a few more which probably aren't in the book and which i invent in my fury), bang on the wheel, and sometimes shoot the bird.

it would be easier to be less irate if people didn't seem to operate under the following driving assumptions, which i refuse to recognize as truths:

inane driver #1: "i want to go; therefore, i will." apparently, when one wants to, say, turn in front of another driver, even if that other driver has that small thing called "right of way," then, again, apparently, one may do so, simply because one feels like it. a multitude of people follow this "rule," but it seems to pair well with a sense of entitlement.

inane driver #2: "i need to swing out in order to turn." *sigh.*

inane driver #3: "i think it's okay to honk at other drivers who have clearly signaled that they are turning, just because they slow me down." *double sigh.*

am i proud of myself?
no, i am not.

is it what i actually do?
yes, it is.

do i know how to stop?
no, not exactly.

am i soliciting advice on how to be less irate?
no, i am not.

the first post

2007-08-27T14:59:00.000-04:00

i'm guessing that i'm supposed to start off with some sort of introductory "who am i" type of post, but, i'd rather not. so here goes.

it's official: i'm tired of being in transition.

i moved to a new town to a new job in a new state about a year ago. to further complicate matters, i, in some people's eyes, acquired a new ontological status by being ordained. whether you (or i) agree with the whole ontological change at ordination thing (i'm not completely convinced), the fact of the matter is, people somehow put me in a different category. when people find out i'm a priest, there tends to be a person-shaped hole in the wall as they run screaming in terror. well, first, they stand there in confusion, their cognitive dissonance practically palpable as they assess the painted toenails, the shoes (flip-flops or high heels), the jewelry, and, of course, the princess parts. even if they decide to stick around and talk, i'm more of a novel curiosity than an actual human being. that's a hell of a reality to get used to, on top of the whole normal life transition stuff. so, transition? not my favorite.

even so, against all odds, and my propensity to be melodramatic, things have gotten somewhat better. there are some people here i feel like i might be able to call my friends now, and i've got a couple of people i'm grooming to be friends. i've forced some young clergymen to be my friends, whether they like it or not (that was kinda fun).

but here's the catch (why is there always a catch?): today, monday, august 27th, the husband started a new job... for which he has to receive training for six to nine months in a metropolitan area about 1.5 hours away from where we live.

blah.

yeah, thankful for good, interesting job in a region where jobs are not exactly plentiful, yes, i'll see him on the weekends, maybe even some during the week. it's more that i was finally feeling a little settled, like maybe the husband and i had gotten some sort of rhythm down that finally worked for us. but so much for that.

then i got to thinking. will i ever not be in transition? i'll probably be ready for a new job in a few years: transition. we might have children at some point: hello, serious unchangeable transition. if life is just one transition after another, then why do i keep expecting it to settle down? should i just be grateful when things do feel like they're falling into place and just call them what they are: a grace-filled abnormality?

so if i'm tired of being in transition, maybe that's just my too bad, because i'm pretty sure i've been mislabeling "transition;" i should have just been calling it "life."